What's Wrong With Asking for Help?

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There is so much uproar going on in the world right now from Unions and Wisconsin to Libya and gas prices. One can get truly overwhelmed and I am feeling a need to get away from computers, cell phones and Facebook. I want to get back to nature, family, my cats, and making some home cooked meals.

I have had a hectic time lately of LA, Santa Barbara, Las Vegas and everywhere in between. I love working but sometimes it can get crazy. I reconnected with some friends through acting classes and it feels good to learn again and create. I am challenging myself more and more and although I did not book every job I hoped to book, I am still working and that is a good thing.

I got to thinking though about asking for help. Awhile ago I was down in a funk and not knowing where to turn, I asked for help. A friend of mine who is a pretty well known actor told me that I should not be asking for help. I wondered why the hell not? There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Some may think that it is too needy, that I am showing that I am too vulnerable. Asking for a job is one thing. Asking you to solve my life's problems is something entirely different.

We all get in times of strife where it does seem hopeless. And there are times when financially you cannot get new head shots, or pay for an acting class even though you know it would be beneficial. Being an actor takes a financial commitment. It takes classes and training. Head shots and promotion. I am a writer too, so I need to keep up those skills as well. I don't like it when someone asks me for a job. But sometimes you have to speak up if you need money to pay for a place to live or for a meal. You have to earn that money, not just have someone hand you some cash.

What I don't have respect for is the person who wants a free meal, free room and board and wants to tell you how to live your life. Excuse me? Everything I own in my home has been paid for by my hard work. I have worked in hospitals, temp agencies, banks, government offices, small companies and large corporations. I have sold cosmetics, jewelry, shoes and mortgage loans. Believe me, I know how to work.

Ask for advice if you need it. Ask for help if you need it. But ultimately you are where you are because of the decisions you have made in your life. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting people. Eliminate bad people, negative people from your life. You'll be much happier at the end of the day.

Great Month

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I have been really blessed this month with four auditions. I had to bail on one audition because of the physical challenge. And of the other three auditions, I had two callbacks, one booking and one avail. Yay! I'm getting better, I can feel it. And it all comes down to training and experience.

The training is going to give you the knowledge of what to do. And the experience good and bad is going to give you the confidence of what to do and what not to do. And the more confident you are, the more jobs you book!

I constantly hear from other actor friends who are wondering why I am getting booked and they are not. And it is all about the above. You cannot just sit around waiting for the phone to ring with a booking. The training will keep you sharp and competitive. The more auditions you go on, the more confident you will become.

I have had a reporter from a local publication contact me about doing a print interview. I am going to try to schedule that for sometime tomorrow. And I have been booked on a radio program, Disabled Radio. I am going to be their guest speaker on March 23. So, google Disabled Radio (they are in Chicago) and listen in @ 8 pm CST. I am on the west coast so it will be 6 pm PST.

Tonite I have another acting class. Our guest instructor will be David L Lander from the Laverne & Shirley show. Remember him? Well he has written a book about his bout with multiple sclerosis. And now he is an advocate for hiring disabled actors. Yay, unity in numbers. I am looking forward to the class tonight.

LA all last week and in Vegas this week and then back to LA. I have to be in Santa Monica this weekend and next week in Palm Springs. Yikes! Sometimes I think I need to have a personal driver.

My friend is currently living in Texas and is coming back to California. I worry for him because he has no job and don't even know if he will have a place to live. He talks about going up to San Francisco and finding a rich boyfriend to take care of him. Yikes! Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?

I am having a great month -- gotta keep it up. Gotta keep the momentum going. If it is to be, its up to me.

Riding the Wave

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Do you know what happens when you work really hard and you learn your craft? Well, if you don't give up -- you get the job!

I had breakfast this morning with a good friend who is also an actor. We talked about how important it is to not only learn your craft, but to stay positive, network and do all the right things. There were times when he would be down and I would help by giving advice. And there were times when I would be down and he would give me advice. That is what friends are for.

I have friends who are casting directors, production assistants, make-up and wardrobe ladies, acting coaches and even managers. You need friends to be honest and give you constructive criticism. And you need a thick skin. This business is tough but not impossible.

You need a support system of friends and family to cheer you on. Believe me, there were times that I felt like giving up. There were times that I worked all day and went to rehearsals at night. I did shows and plays. I've screwed up auditions and cried all the way home. But I learned from each and every audition. A friend of mine, Culture Clash member Herbie Siguenza told me to go out for each and every role that I felt I was right for. He said to learn from each and every audition. And I did. I took mental notes and each time tried to be as prepared as I could be.

And so look out -- because you will see more and more of me -- on television -- in films -- on the radio -- and in print. I am not sitting by my phone waiting for it to ring. I am taking charge of my career. I am the boss, I am in charge.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

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Thank you to all my followers who have taken time from their busy day to accompany me in this life. There are so many times when one can feel so alone and it is nice to reach out into cyberspace and find some friends. I recently asked some friends to pray for me and it warmed my heart that I received messages of encouragement, thought and yes, prayers.

I worry about those folks that are alone especially on days like this, Valentine's Day. I think about my sister who is unlucky in her love life. I think about my brother-in-law who is 55 years old and has never been on a date (to my knowledge). And I think about those who are alone now through death, separation or divorce. Wow. I feel for them, I really do. But there is such a thing that is called self love.

I always try to work on myself. I compete with myself, if you will. I know my shortcomings, believe me. I try to work on those. I know I can be impatient. I try to laugh everyday. And I do have a sarcastic tongue. Now that I am older, I often bite my tongue. I would rather do that than say something mean or sarcastic to someone just because I can. I enjoy taking the high road. I'm not perfect by any means but I know when it is better to say nothing at all than to say something spiteful.

I have some news! I have been asked to speak on the radio. It's true. We are still in talks of when and what to talk about but I feel so blessed to be asked. It's exciting! I think I have stuff to say. And if you know me, you know that once I start talking, it's tough to get a word in. Sorry but so often I am alone and in my head so that when I do get around folks, I do like to talk.

I had a lovely chat with my friend, Andy. I always feel good when I talk to him. We can commiserate together because he is also an actor with a disability. We are each other's cheerleaders. One of the things I intend to do this year is to stay on top of my game with acting classes. If you don't stay in tune, you can get rusty. That is true with any profession. I always encourage Andy to take classes, to stay sharp. He encourages me when I go to audition after audition.

There are so many good films right now and I am excited that I saw The Black Swan and The Kings Speech. I still want to see some other films before the academy awards. I'd better hurry up.

Well, off to start my day. I must pace myself and not overdo it. There are people to see and places to go. I have my cell phone, my writing tablets and my pens. I have my camera and my tape recorder. Who shall I interview today???

Never Give Up

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I enjoy reading some of my old posts. When I was a teenager I had a diary. It really helped to get rid of teenage angst. And now this blog helps me get out of my head, voice some frustrations, get excited about what is around the corner and really stop to smell the roses.

I think about people like FDR who had polio and still unified our country in a very turbulent time. I think about Winston Churchill who lifted his hands in a V for Victory. They never gave up.

Sometimes it feels like why am I auditioning over and over? Why am I reading another book on acting or taking another acting class? Why do I do research and contact people and interview people and meet deadlines? Why am I taking a clown class? And I realize it is because I am an artist and I have a voice that i like to use.

I always felt this way. When my siblings were excelling in Sports, I was reading the classics. When things were low because we had no money and were getting on each other's nerves, I would entertain our family. When I was on high school I practiced and practiced until I became good enough to get on the dance team. The polio I had only made me work that much harder to get better and better.

I auditioned for every high school play. I played every role that i could get. When I got out of high school I missed acting so much that I found local community actors and joined them. At first they only let me help actors with their lines. Then I started getting small roles. Then I started getting chorus work on the musicals. Then I started doing Shakespeare in the Park. Then we moved to Los Angeles and I started doing background in the movies.

Along the way, some have discouraged me. And some have encouraged me. I have received rejection after rejection. And occasionally, I would receive an encouraging word from a director or a casting director or a fellow actor, or a good friend. And believe me, those encouraging words kept me going in my heart and in my soul.

The moral of this story is this. You must believe in yourself. If you do not believe in yourself, no one else will either. And eventually, it all begins to make sense and come together. And eventually you know what you can do and what you can't. You know what you are good at and what needs to be improved. You learn to accept constructive criticism and stay away from negative people.

Opportunities don't come that often so when they do, you must reach for them. And you must prepare for them because sometimes they come when you least expect them. And most of all, enjoy the ride.

Things are Looking Up!

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I am very excited!!! On my way to a new audition today, my agent called me to tell me that I am still in the running for the job that I auditioned for last week. I hope I get it!!!

So I go on the audition today and I ran into Estella from Real Women Have Curves!!! I keep running into her at auditions! She is really nice and we spoke for a few moments before they called us in. The job is very exciting and I hope I get it!!! My agent said this looks good too, so keep me in your prayers. I have this philosophy that if you are meant to get something then you will. And if it is meant for someone else, then that is the way it is. All you can do at auditions is be yourself and do the best job that you can. It is important to listen and follow directions.

A friend of mine was on television last night on the show 1,000 Ways to Die. He was so funny. I love to see my friends on television. It seems strange to see myself on television, I get so critical.

I have heard that this will be my year. Something about a planet moving into my area and this year will be the first of a really good year for the next 11 years. Yay!!! I am so ready.

Good things are around the corner for me, I just know it. And I auditioned for a new casting director today and that is always good!!!

I'm Mad as Hell...

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I am writing in blue because I am blue. I'm mad as hell and I don't know how much of this I can take anymore. I was in so much pain because of the pps and again I took a hot bath, tried to relax and now I am on the couch again. I hate this. I have so much to do. I am surrounded by two remotes for the television, a book, two writing tablets, no pen, my cellphone, a glass of lemonade, some moisturizing lotion and a pillow for my back. Where is that damn pen?

Thank goodness for laptops and the Internet. I am at least able to connect with the outside world. I do miss my sisters and I wish one of them were here to help me take care of myself. I was reduced to yelling for my husband (again). I needed help to get out of the tub and getting dressed in a house coat. For younger readers a house coat is a cotton sleeping gown, very unglamourous and unsexy. He hates when I wear it, I like it. It's soft and cozy and when you are in pain, you don't feel sexy.

I have just taken a pain pill which will make me drowsy in about one hour. I feel like taking two or three. Pain, pain go away! I am reminded of that self portrait of Frida Kahlo called the Little Deer. There is a little deer running in the forest and it has been hit by numerous arrows in its tiny body. It sheds a tear because it is in such pain. I remember when I was a little girl I told my mother I wish I had extra feet. She wondered what I meant but I told her I wish I could take these feet off (cause they hurt so much) and could put on some new feet that were ready to go. My new feet would be all charged up like a battery and they could take me wherever I wanted to go and I wouldn't be in any pain anymore.

My house has a step from the living room to the hallway towards the bathroom and bedrooms. Every day I go up and down that damn step. By the end of the evening, I am hobbling up that damn step and holding onto the wall for support. I'm mad as hell!

Okay, enough of a pity party. I haven't heard anything yet from the audition last week. I hope I do because it is an exciting gig. I know you are wondering how can she do it? Well, for now I use my heating pad and some pain meds. We polio survivors are very strong and determined to work hard and be our best at whatever we do. So I am not worried about it. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

I did decide not to audition for "Jesus Christ, Superstar" and "Evita". Two of my fave shows of all time. But I know I cannot do night after night of rehearsals and shows for no $$$. I have heard from my director though, and I am filming for two weekends in March. Yay!!! He wanted me to work on March 5 (my birthday) but I am not filming on my birthday. I am relaxing on my birthday. I want to go sailing on my birthday. I want to eat lobster on my birthday. I want to have a drink and party on my birthday. I don't want to film for an 8 - 10 - or 12 hour day!

God, where are my sisters? I wish I had one of them here with me to help me. But they all have their own lives so I bet they wouldn't want to help me. It would be very "Baby Jane" with me lying in bed or on the sofa or in the wheelchair. And my sister doing the cooking and the cleaning. She would be Jane and I would be Blanche. I can see it now! Oh, if I wasn't in this wheelchair! But you are Blanche, you are! Yikes!

My sister is getting a divorce. And she is working at a medical facility. And she has been trained as a certified nursing assistant. She would be perfect. But she has this big dog that is dying and he takes up half her living room. Would she like living in my California home? I have an extra bedroom and bathroom. I could get her a television with free cable. All she would have to do is do the shopping, cooking and cleaning. I wonder? Maybe I'll give her a call. Maybe she could help me out of the tub and help me get dressed.

She could sit out by the pool and have a glass of wine with me. I wouldn't be too much trouble. I know I wouldn't be too much trouble. I am excellent company, I'm very quiet. We could watch movies together. I think I'll give her a call. Would you like to relocate to sunny California? Post-polio syndrome is no fun.