Windows of My Mind

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I can't believe I am awake at 4:00 a.m. on a Monday morning but there it is. It was raining all evening and very cold for southern CA. I don't like it one bit and I'm glad that I stayed home instead of going out in this mess. Traffic to and from LAX was a nightmare. I felt sorry for the poor folks who were out in the mess.

Ah yes, the windows of my mind. Well, now that things have slowed down a bit and I am recovering from a cold that has lasted two weeks. Funny when you don't feel well how your mind can wander. I feel like the opening scenes of Chicago when Roxie Hart is watching Velma Kelly perform onstage. There is that watching and knowing that she can do what Velma is doing onstage. Of course the music is fantastic and the choreography, wow!

So Thanksgiving is in a few days and it reminds me of some previous turkey days. Where have the years gone? Sometimes I think I can hear the kids playing in the other room and me scrambling to get everything cooked and prepared on time. Now they are all grown and working. I never thought I would miss all those hectic times but there it is. Sometimes you don't know how good things are until they are gone. But I'm glad that they are living their own lives now and making their own memories.

I am staying positive to new opportunities around the corner. And I realize that in this showbiz you cannot wait around for the phone to ring, you have to make your own opportunities. I've had some new opportunities this year and made some new friends. My goal right now is to be kinder, to not say the first sarcastic thing that comes to my mind. I must get all the facts before I speak. I must learn more before I throw myself into that next project.

Dollars and Sense

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Well now that The Wizard of Oz is over I am back to looking for another job. Such is the life of an actor. It is what we do. What most of you don't know is that prior to being an actor or I should say, in addition to being an actor, most of us hold day jobs. Now that is not always an easy feat. One must find a job that has some flexibility because if an important audition comes up, well we have to go and do the audition. Many actors work in restaurants. Many work in temp jobs. I was working as a banker. A mortgage banker.

I actually started working in finance years ago when I lived and worked in Ohio. A job transfer had me working in the Finance Department. At first I was very nervous. But then I found I was good with dollars and cents. I enjoyed reconciling figures. I enjoyed doing reports that showed the bottom line. And then I started applying those same financial principles to my own life. Bookkeeping became not a chore, but a well needed review of where we were financially and it became a time to think and plan for the future.

When women are around each other I noticed the conversations would turn to family, children, recipes, upcoming family events, etc. When I was around men the conversations turned to money, financial investments, the best place to take your autos, etc. In other words, how we could make more money and how can we save money? Needless to say, I enjoyed being around the men because I learned something from them. At first I was dismissed with a raised eyebrow. But when I started to talk about investing, saving, 401-K and portfolios then I was embraced into the fold.

Actors and good financial common sense many times do not go hand in hand. Many creative folk have talent to spare but when it comes to dollars, well their financial decisions don't make much sense. To be an actor today, you must invest in your livelihood. And that means you must pay for a good photographer, you must always have good head shots that look like you look right now. It means being able to pay for acting classes. You must pay for sites where you can submit yourself for acting jobs.

I am constantly amazed when I meet people who tell me that they want to do what I do. It is not an easy job, being an actor. You must have a thick hide! Nine times out of ten you will not get the job that you just auditioned for. And that is if you are lucky enough to even get called in for an audition in the first place. There are many actor friends that tell me that they will submit themselves for acting jobs once they contact a photographer because they have no head shots. Or they just don't have the money to join any acting sites where they can submit themselves. Or they took one acting class five years ago and now they don't feel the need to take any additional classes. I just smile and nod my head because they just don't get it. And that is one less person to take seriously as an actor. Because if they don't take their acting career seriously, no one else will either. So they should not be surprised when they don't get called in to audition.

And so people, and I am serious here. Don't think pennies. Think dollars. If you get hired as a professional actor -- and by professional I mean, they are paying you to act. Then you must reinvest some of those monies towards future acting jobs. Put aside some of your earnings towards future jobs. Many times those paying gigs are too few and too far in between. It is tempting to take all your other starving acting friends out to dinner or lunch. We have all been there. However, that is the time to think about the future.

Believe me, I had many friends asking me for comp tickets to see me in the Wizard of Oz. I would have loved to be able to give all of them comp tickets. However, financially this makes no sense.

Being an actor or any kind of artist is difficult, believe me. So if you have a friend who is an artist, we do suffer for our art. Take them out to lunch or dinner. Treat them to a film you both want to see. Listen patiently when we cry over a role we didn't get or an audition that didn't go well. And do cheer us on when we do get a role! It means so much to have supportive friends in your corner. And do come and see us when we perform. It means the world to us knowing we have friends and family in the audience. And that is something that is a pay check of the heart.

I truly hope that this post answers some financial questions for my actor friends out there. Save, save and save for a rainy day. We all have them and by being prepared for that rainy day will mean all the difference between a stressful life and a life that is comfortable. You have the power in your hands to choose what kind of life you will have. Be well, my friends!

Is it really over?

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After 3 weeks of rehearsals and 3 weeks of shows, the Wizard of Oz is over. Our play went so well, everyone loved it and we received some great reviews. There were parties, and sad goodbyes. Our Dorothy will work the cruise lines in January. Our Tin Man will go to work at Disney Tokyo. The rest of us including yours truly will go back to auditioning again.

However before I do that I am going to relax this week and go to Las Vegas. I deserve some needed time to relax and enjoy. My sister Linda is in town and we are going to have a blast.

I enjoyed making new friends in the cast and Geraldine and I enjoyed a great sushi dinner prior to leaving for the final cast party. I had a really good time.

Well, have to get ready, pack my bags and hit the road. Next week, back to hitting the pavement in search of my next adventure. Adelante!

The Show Must Go On

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Wow, it has been a whirlwind of activity since our show opened on Friday, October 14. We had an 8 pm show on Friday, Saturday and a 2:00 pm show on Sunday. We received standing ovations at each show. And two reviews have come out and they are saying, Wow! It is so exciting! We had a few glitches on our first show but the subsequent shows have been great.

My friend, Geraldine is so excited because this was her very first time onstage. She plays a Munchkin, a crow, a poppy flower, flying monkey and a character in Oz when we are in the Emerald City. I help her with some quick costume changes. We both learned all of the songs with the exception of the four main character's songs. So she doesn't get a chance to do much singing.

I play the part of the Barrister in the Munchkinland scene. And I do sing and dance in that number. And then I sing and dance in the Emerald City. I am glad to not have more scenes that the ones I have because I was worried that my little legs would not be able to keep up. But I am doing great and having a blast! I don't like to toot my own horn so I will tell you what happened after our Saturday night show.

We remove our costumes and make-up before we leave the theater. Geraldine and I were walking out of the theater on our way to the parking area when a man and his wife came up to me and he said, "I just want to say how good you were and I'm so glad you are part of the show". I looked at him because he was wearing a name badge that said STAFF on it. I said thank you so much, what is your name? He told me his name and that he is a part of the Production Staff. He said I can tell that the children performers are Munchkins but when I saw you, I said now she is a performer. That was so cool because even though I have very few lines in that number, it was great to know that he noticed that I was giving my all.

It is great to take our final bows for the night, look out into the audience and see a full house and they are all standing and clapping. I get to do it all again Thursday night through Sunday. After we finished our bows on Sunday, I asked Geraldine how she felt about finishing our first weekend shows. She was so excited and said she didn't want it to end. And I said, exactly and that is show biz! I think she is hooked now. She is currently studying to be a registered nurse but now that she has gotten a taste of show biz, well she may not ever get that out of her blood.

Some of our ensemble cast members are regular performers at Disneyland. Our Dorothy will go back to working as an entertainer on a cruise line once she wraps up in Oz. And even our little dog who plays Toto will go back to the east coast as he is a working dog too. Well, I won't get sad because we have two more weeks of the show.

And now that I have a few days off, I am back to voice lessons every Monday afternoon. Back to doing laundry and cooking for my family. I am enjoying watching my favorite tv shows like Rachel Zoe, Glee and Modern Family. I have to line up some more auditions and give my Agent a call. Yes, it is a crazy life being an actor. You can feel like a gypsy going from job to job. One week you are working then you are unemployed again. But to be a working actor in the theater, oh there is nothing like it.

Very quickly I have returned to finding a spot in the green room where we all apply our make-up and talk about our day. We rush to get into costumes, finding shoes and hairpins. Getting our wigs on just so and grabbing our props. It is a great feeling and it is like riding a bike. It all comes back to you, the smell of the grease paint the roar of the crowd.

Three Films in One Year!

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Well, rehearsals are coming along nicely. I had a few days off and then back to rehearsing on the weekend. After Saturday's time I went to a party. I ended up leaving at 12:30 and went to bed at 2:00 a.m. I haven't done that in a long time. I made sure to only have one glass of wine so I was not drinking and driving.

I do end up doing quite a bit of dancing after all. Fortunately, there are no difficult steps. Being a dancer is one thing, being in the chorus is something else. We are dancing too but not like the dancers. They are center stage and doing difficult dips, waltzes and ballet moves. It's coming along beautifully.

My partner is an older gentleman who has many years experience as a dancer and choreographer. He has even danced in some shows in Las Vegas and on several cruise lines. He will make me look good! Thank you, Jim! Plus he is very nice. One of the little girls had a birthday the other day and we all sang happy birthday to her. Per parents surprised her with several boxes of cupcakes which she shared with all of us. And that was just great because I realized I had not eaten all day and that cupcake tasted pretty good.

Now I know you are wondering, how can you forget to eat all day? Well I get up kinda late (8:30 a.m.) and I have my morning coffee. I don't like to eat breakfast so I usually skip unless I'm craving protein so I will usually boil an egg. Then I go onto house cleaning, doing laundry, running errands. Then take a warm bath, get dressed and go to rehearsal. We rehearse for 3 or 4 hours. Then I come home, watch late night tv, eat a bowl of cereal and go to bed. Then I get up the next morning and do it all over again. Needless to say, I keep hearing songs from the show in my head all the time.

I am looking forward to the screening of the film, White T. We are waiting for the film to be finished, it is in post production right now. When the screening is scheduled, I will be invited along with the other actors to walk the red carpet. I have come along way from working on background on television and film projects to actually have a role in a feature film. So I will let you know more once I know more. My contract says that I have to make myself available for any additional pick up scenes, interviews and advertising of the film. No worries so long as it does not interfere with my current production.

And I did another film earlier this year, Attack of the 30 Foot Chola which is also in post production. And I did another film, Lean Like A Cholo. Wouldn't it be something if all three films were released this year? This is turning out to be another great year for my acting career and I know next year will be even better.

It's Not the Poconos!

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My family back home is vacationing in the Poconos mountains in Pennsylvania having a good time. I do admit that Fall was my favorite time of year and I still miss the changing of the leaves. However, I am relaxing by the pool and getting ready to eat dinner before I go to rehearsals tonite.

The show is going great, many talented folks. There are the dancers, the children who are munchkins and some of the vocals are beautiful. Can't wait to see the sets and I've heard there are some great effects too. My part is coming along nicely and I am not sure if I will be dancing after all. I had to learn the dance just in case and I'm glad I did. We will see if my costume fits because whoever wore it before me sure was tiny.

I am meeting some new folks and making some new friends. I forgot how much I love doing musical theater. All day long I was humming some music from the show. I'm trying not to get too comfortable here at home. Have to start making dinner soon before heading out the door for a late rehearsal.

The kids are off for a few days. I have to admit they are as cute as they can be. They are so talented too. One little girl was telling me that she is taking dancing lessons in every form, except hip hop. I was not surprised that she picked up the steps very quickly.

There are some other acting jobs out there and I am hoping to get some more auditions before the show is completed. Well, I would love to go away on vacation sometime soon. Maybe we'll go to Big Bear before it snows up there. The weather is still in the low 90s which is nice for swimming. It seems hard to believe that we will actually get to use the fireplace again.

Okay, I have to stop yawning and gear up for tonite. Later, folks!

Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead!

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We started rehearsals last night for the Wizard of Oz. I think I heard this song in my sleep all night. It was a long rehearsal, singing, dancing. I haven't done in a musical for a very, very long time. I am hoping that it will all come back to me but I admit it is taking awhile. Of course this was just a first rehearsal.

The little children that are playing munchkins, poppies, crows, etc. are so precious. Their little voices were so sweet as they were singing. It's going to be a great show!

I ran into the Ex. Producer of the show as I was leaving and he gave me a big hug and told me how glad he was that I am part of the show. I told him how excited I am to be a part of the show too and how all this dancing is going to help me lose weight! I won't need a personal trainer since we are dancing five days a week. And as it comes closer to show time, we are rehearsing six nights/week.

"Wicked" is coming back to the Pantages theater November 30 to January 30 and I am so excited, even though I've already seen the show twice. I have to get some girlfriends together to see the show again. I made the mistake of listening to the soundtrack all the way home from rehearsals and of course now I can't get those songs out of my head too.

Well, wish me luck people! I am going to need it to keep with these little munchkins!

Oh My Goodness!

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Well, it has been a sad day watching all the events from 9/11 all over again. After watching for most of the day, I had to change the channel and watch some HBO. I also wanted to just thank God for all his blessings, most especially for my family and to get the chance to enjoy living! We had a lovely barbeque and afterwards took a dip in the pool under the full moon. It felt great!

I decided to stay off the computer today and in the evening checked my email. I received an email from a photographer that I know. He wanted to know if I would be interested in shooting some pix for a LA designer. Would I? You bet. Now I do not consider myself a model. I am an actor. But for this photographer and this designer, yes I could certainly model for you. So we shall see what is what. It was too late for me to call him on a Sunday night but perhaps we can talk tomorrow.

I still have to review my contract for the Wizard of Oz. I looked at it briefly but I have to review it in depth before I proceed. I had a costume fitting on Saturday. I went a little early and got to meet our Tin Man. He was really nice. We were both frantically trying on our various costumes. He looked great. And I had to have my dress taken out a little due to boobage. I guess whoever wore this costume before me did not have that much on top. But me, oh sometimes I wish there was a little less boobage, but what can you do?

Tomorrow is Monday which means voice lessons in the afternoon. Early dinner and swimming laps in the evening. I'm really not a morning kind of gal. But that's okay.

I'm hoping to go to Las Vegas sometime soon but now that we are starting rehearsals very soon, that may not be possible. Darn!!! I haven't been there for awhile and I really want to see my brother soon. And now that the temperature has gone down, I'm ready to go. I will keep my fingers crossed cause once rehearsals start, I won't be going anywhere. Sometimes I wish I could clone myself. My goodness, two Lisa's running around LA? That would be crazy, indeed!

The Land of Oz

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Yes, the musical production "Wizard of Oz" is being put on once more onstage. I auditioned on August 2 and did not hear anything for two weeks. Then the Ex. Producer called me and offered me a role as one of the Munchkin Royalty. I sang a song from the show for my audition. I sang, "It Really Was No Miracle". In the movie version, Dorothy actually starts the song and the munchkins join in. Well they must have liked me because I do have a contract in my hands.

We begin rehearsals on September 19 and the show is the last 2 or 3 weeks of October. I'll have to double check those dates. I know it will be a lot of work in rehearsals and then actually putting on the show. I have a wardrobe fitting next week. Yay!

I was called into audition for a film on Monday but as I looked at the audition it was for a deferred payment. That means you work on a project and if anything comes of the project, then you get paid. If nothing comes of it, meaning it does not get picked up at any film festivals, then you never get paid. Forget that. I have worked too hard and too long to not get paid for my work. You want me, then pay me. Simple as that.

I saw a very interesting article and subsequent video. It was called "F*ck you, pay me! They talked about the importance of having contracts and how everything is spelled out in the contract so there is no misunderstanding as to who does what. If you work hard on a project and complete the project you should be paid. If something occurs and the project changes somehow, you either renegotiate the contract or get paid and then this new change is written up in a new contract. Makes sense to me.

There is nothing wrong with paying your dues. When you are in a learning phase, the knowledge you gain is essential for future projects. If you have a mentor, even better. There is nothing like being on the set of a film and just learning. But after awhile you want to have an actual role with lines, blocking and actually working. It's so rewarding when you do get a chance to perform. And then when you get paid, then you know that you have moved up to that next level.

My friend, Andy already told me that he plans to be in the first row! So sweet. Well in the meantime, I just finished another round of head shots with a new photographer. It was fun and can't wait to see the final two that I have chosen. There's so much to do and not enough time.

Rebecca and I are going to see the movie, The Help. Great book and a good movie. Yes, I saw it already but it is so good that I want to see it again. And I have to call Sweden and see her in Pasadena. I have to tell them both that my film, White T is being released soon and we have the premiere on September 29 in Hollywood. Yes, I get to walk the red carpet again but may choose not to. We'll see how it goes.

No voice lesson tomorrow because of Labor Day but I resume the following Monday. Hopefully, a quiet day today resting, cooking out in the backyard and swimming. Love long weekends. Do I miss being back home? Yes -- occasionally but most important are family and I do miss them. Our niece, Melissa was married yesterday. I hope she had a lovely wedding.

Times continue to be tough for our country, the economy. But we have gone through so much and I know that we will all get through these difficult times. It takes patience and resilience and thinking outside of the box. But every time I try to get away from show biz, I get pulled back in again. So someone up there is trying to tell me something.

Do Re Mi

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Well, I was a little nervous because I haven't taken private vocal lessons in quite a few years. But, it is like riding a bike. You get back into it and I was on my way with my vocal warm ups. I had a free half hour class today and it went really well. I told my instructor that I have not had a principle role in any musical theatrical productions but I have auditioned and been placed in the chorus. And, lo and behold, I did remember some of my previous training.

I am really impressed with my instructor and am looking forward to my classes. I don't want to just do songs from the show because before you know it, that's all you hear day in and day out. And then by the time the show comes around you get sick of the same songs over and over. That is what happened when we were doing Camelot. I love the show and love the songs but I never wanted to hear "in short there's simply not, a more congenial spot for happily ever aftering than here in Camelot" again!

But it was a great time and a great show. I occasionally think about the other cast members. You get to be like family because we see each other so often. I honestly don't know if I'll be able to do this new show but all I can do is try. I saw that my black tap shoes need a little repairing, so off to the shoe repair store tomorrow.

Well, getting sleepy so off to bed I go. Another good day with great information that I downloaded. Some good tips from some of my online friends. A good lunch of leftover chicken enchiladas and a prayer for my son who is going through some difficult days right now. But otherwise, I am so grateful for the many blessings I have received like having a great family, new opportunities and a chance to do what I love, which is acting and singing again.

Whew!

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Today has been a blur to say the least. But, dear readers all is well so don't worry. I had a very busy day today and when it gets to be extremely hot outside, it feels like I'm melting! Not good especially for my brains. I had paperwork to fill out, I had to find my passport which expired but now I'm getting a new one. And did I tell you that I had an audition? Yes, I did have an audition earlier this month.

The audition was for a musical. Now it's funny because I actually started my acting career doing theater -- and then musical theater. I do sing and dance but I would not call myself a professional singer or dancer. I have always been relegated to a supporting role or a chorus member. I actually like being part of an ensemble. I have been a shark girl in West Side Story. I have been a lady in waiting in Camelot. I have been a phone operator in The Bells are Ringing. In all of these productions I have had entrances and exits, dancing routines to learn and chorus lines to sing. I have had a blast.

And then I moved out west and started doing background extra work in films, supporting roles in student films, background work on television, supporting roles in indie films, working as a volunteer in film festivals and then started getting supporting roles in television and now in feature films too. Exciting stuff. And today, I received a phone call from the Producer that I have booked a supporting role in...(drum roll, please). Oops, I can't tell you!

Sorry but I have to wait until I receive my contract. Actually my agent gets my contract first. She makes sure it is okay and then sends it to me for my signature. But the assistant contacted me for my photo and my bio. As soon as I get the contract than I'll know it is real.

But in the meantime, thank you for your support and kind words. And yes, people -- don't ever give up on your dreams because dreams do come true! I told the Producer that I am so excited because I have always wanted to be in this show and now I can cross it off my bucket list. And he laughed. I can't wait for rehearsals to begin. So I will have to dust off my dancing shoes and contact my voice coach and get back in there to get my voice in tip top shape. We begin rehearsals in one month!

Hello Again!

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Hello again from la la land. Well in case I have any new followers out there, this is for you. I have been writing for about four years for an online magazine called Latino LA. My first assignment from my editor was to interview Dexter star, David Zayas. It was a telephone interview and it went great. Then I met him in person when I was sent to cover the red carpet for Lifetime: Little Girl Lost.

At that time I met stars Marlene Forte, Hector Luis Bustamante and David. I also met actor A. Martinez. He was very nice. If you want to see my interview, you can watch it on You Tube. It has over 16,000 hits! Not bad for my first interview. Of course I had no camera man so I took many photos. And put together a video of the event.

This blog was started because I know how difficult it is to start in show biz. And believe me when I first started going on auditions in Hollywood I made many mistakes. But I learned. And I started taking acting classes and I started networking and making friends. Now granted, my friends are actors too so we all struggle together and support each other.

So when you hear that Latinos don't support each other -- consider the source. It is not true. I have also watched Herbert Siguenza perform onstage many times. He is one of the founding members of the group, Culture Clash. They are wonderful!!! I have taken some classes from Herbie. I have interviewed Herbie. I have gone to many of his performances and he always blows me away with his intensity.

There are many people who have helped me along the way. Folks who have given me tips on head shots, acting teachers and even my agent. I have been very blessed. And performers are like gypsies. Every time you get a job, we rejoice. And then we are back to looking for another job through the audition process. It's nerve wracking but essential. And the sooner you learn how to make your nerves work for you instead of against you, then the sooner you can go about the process of doing a great audition and booking the job.

And there is nothing like getting that phone call from your agent to tell you that you booked the job!!! Even beyond a paycheck, it is about knowing that you went in there and did your best and they chose me!

So the best advice I can give right now is, look at the trades. Read what is going on in this industry right now. Not what was going on last Fall or last year. What is going on right this minute and in the next few weeks? What show got cancelled? What do you want to do? Theater? Television? Commercials? Film? What can you do? What skills do you have? Do you need more training? Are you getting auditions but not booking anything? How old are your head shots?

Whew! I'm tired already. So believe me, I have been there and done that. I have learned what to do and what not to do. And if you would like more assistance, then leave me a comment and let me know how I can help. Good luck or as we say in Espanol, buena suerte!

Dear Shaun

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It is with sadness that I must say that a friend has passed away. His name was Shaun and he lived across the street from us. He was the same age as my daughter. Shaun was born on March 17, St. Patrick's Day. He was tall and thin and had an easy smile.

I have come to know many if not all of my children's friends and I always remember them just like when they first came into our lives. When his family moved into the neighborhood, I think he was happy to find that he was not the only teen on our block. And sure enough, he started to attend the same school as my daughter.

They became fast friends and he was always coming over and frequently had dinner with us too. To me he was like a beautiful little puppy, just wanting to be loved. He fought frequently with his new stepmom and I think he would have been very happy if I adopted him. I did call him and several other boys, my "other sons". I think he liked that.

He ran away frequently and I heard that for awhile he was living under a bridge. I don't know if he got involved with drugs and drinking, but he probably did. I heard that he joined the Army or the National Guard. He was sent overseas and fought in Irag. I wrote to him several times and he wrote back. He seemed so lost and lonely. I often wondered if he joined so he could have some clean clothes and a meal every day. It broke my heart to see that he was so lost.

As life goes on, I cared for my own children and I truly don't believe they understand how hard life is until they are on their own. I have always tried to be here for them and have always told them they could talk to me about anything.

My daughter and Shaun lost touch with each other over the years. About two months ago, we were in the car. I was driving and not really paying attention to what was going on around me. There was a young man holding up a sign at the end of the freeway. As I proceeded into the intersection my daughter said, "oh my God, that was Shaun". I said are you sure? And she said yes, that he looked right at us and then lowered his head. I said, should I turn around and go back? And she said, no -- he probably wouldn't want us to see him like that. I was confused because I wanted to see him and talk with him. But then, what if he were on drugs and what if he was a potential threat to my daughter? Well, I have to keep her safe and her safety was my main concern. I kept driving.

I should have followed my instincts and turned the car around. I should have taken Shaun home with us. I could have given him a hot meal and a hot shower. I could have maybe guided him in a better path than the one he was currently walking through. I'll never know if I could have made a difference.

A month later Shaun died somewhere in Maryland. How? We don't know. My daughter received word just the other day that Shaun was gone. She looked up his obituary on the internet and there was his photo. He was in his military uniform and he looked, well, he looked scared. The article did not say how he died and so we will never know.

There are some days in your life that you wish you could take back. I wish with all my heart that I could take back that day. I wish I had turned that car around. I wish I could hold him in my arms again. I can't imagine not seeing Shaun again. I always imagined that he would finish up his 4 years in the service and come back home again. I always thought he would be a part of our lives again. I miss my "other son" and wish I could tell him how much I cared for him. Rest in peace, dear Shaun. You may not have known this, but you were deeply loved.

What a week!

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Well I had a fabulous weekend!!! On Friday evening I was invited to a comedy show at the 4th & B in downtown San Diego. My friend Rick was the host. He is a co-star in the film, Attack of the 30 Foot Chola. He set me up with VIP seating and I even walked the red carpet. It was great and I was interviewed as well.

Saturday was a quiet evening at home and on Sunday I was in LA attending a comedy acting class. It was 3 hours of great training. I don't want to be a comedian but I do want to be a better writer. And we learned the difference between being an actor vs. being a performer. Such great information and we watched video clips of great performers like Charlie Chaplin, Red Skelton and Jim Carrey.

I saw a guy yesterday who worked with me on the Starbucks commercial. He looked so familiar and I remember seeing him when we went to wardrobe. I asked him if he was a principal actor and he said yes. I didn't know that I was a principal actor too. When we got to the set they put him in the background and downgraded him. I don't think he was too happy about that. He told me that they upgraded me to a principal role. But that wasn't true. I was all set to be a principal all along I just didn't know it until I was handed my contract. It's funny how you read all this stuff about being an actor and then one day it all comes together and makes sense. Yup, this is my life now -- being an actor, going out for auditions, taking acting classes and always networking.

I spoke to my parents and they are doing great. I may have to fly home for a visit. I am missing my family and friends. But every time I try to plan something, another film comes up!

Well, hungry already and so I'm getting ready to go out for breakfast. Can't wait till the film The Help comes out later this week. Gonna check with my girlfriends and see who want to come with. Have a great week!

Los Angeles Latino International Film Festival

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The 15th annual Los Angeles Latino International Film Festival (LALIFF) just ended last night with a gala award ceremony. And who was there? Well, yours truly of course. The event concluded with a red carpet walk, screening of the film Cowboys and Aliens written by latino screenwriter, Roberto Orci and a gala after event party.

I attended with friend and fellow actor, Javier who appeared with me in a recent episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. He also worked on the film Attack of the 30 Foot Chola which should be out later this year.

We had a blast watching the film and the award ceremony. It was cool to be at the event located at the famous Egyptian Theater in downtown Hollywood. I saw many celebrities including Edward James Olmos, Esai Morales and Lupe Ontiveros. I also saw friends including Oskar Toruno, Jesse Garcia and Rick Najera.

The food was fabulous and there was alcohol flowing freely. I had a glass of champagne when I arrived and then after the film had a glass of wine. I didn't take my camera because I just wanted to take in the whole experience without worrying about my camera in my purse.

It was very hot and humid in LA and I am talking 94 degrees in the daytime and it was 68 degrees at 1:30 a.m. when I got home. What I wore: white sleeveless tank top, hot pink skirt, gray heels and a pink & orange scarf. Although I was comfortable, I did feel a little underdressed and most of the ladies were wearing short cocktail type dresses. But then they looked hot and uncomfortable and I was cool and comfortable. Someday when I walk the red carpet, I will dress up and be uncomfortable too. But till then, I am going to be comfortable.

It was fun talking with Esai Morales again and I am loving his webisode, Los Americans. He asked me to spread the word so the show can continue. So google the show and watch all the episodes! It's really good writing and good acting and the Latino cast is so good. I am surprised this has not been picked up by one of the networks.

I have some news which I cannot reveal yet but let's just say that it pays to see and be seen at events like this one. A good time was held by all, great atmosphere, good food, good music and latinos celebrating being in front of and behind the camera.

Hurray, my Dad is okay!

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Well, there is some good news. My father is home now from the hospital. They kept him there for a few days and ran some tests. They believe he may have had a small stroke. He was sent home today with instructions to take an aspirin a day. I heard all this from my sister and so I will have to call directly to see if this is correct. But I am just so glad that he is home now with my Mom.

Went to the movies last night to see A Better Life and this is the second time I've seen it. It was so good again. Nothing like a great script and great acting. If it comes to a city near you, definitely go see it!

I am very tired today for some reason. Oh yeah, I was awakened at 5:45 am. Then I couldn't go back to sleep. Now it's 12 hours later and I am dragging. Great! Well, I do have some good news.

My agent is sending me out on another audition on Monday for another national commercial. Yay! So excited. I will let you know how it goes after the audition.

A crazy weekend ahead, phone calls to make and going out of town next week. The craziness never ends.

A sad time to be alone

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My family is very private and so am I. However, when family is involved in a personal crisis it just brings everything to a screeching halt. I normally start my day like any other actor, searching the breakdowns for acting jobs. I work with my Agent on my career I don't sit on my behind waiting for her to get me a job. I am very proactive.

I work on my weight issues, I eat only health foods now and drink water and milk. Okay, occasionally I will have a glass of wine. I take acting classes and read acting books. I am an advocate for the disabled, especially other polio survivors.

I make sure my car is clean and the gas tank is filled up and ready to go. I do laundry daily so that if I need a certain wardrobe, I am ready.

And then you get the phone call that you dread. My father has taken ill. Now he is so far away in Ohio and there is nothing I can do other than stand by my telephone. I have many sisters to look out for him and care for him and my mother. However, they also are going through this difficult time. Some panic, some get loud, some remain calm and try to find out all the facts before notifying me and my brother who also lives out of town. We should try to be there for each other. I was or at least I always tried to be the peacemaker when I lived at home.

My father has always been a hard working, dedicated husband and father. I am kinda glad that I am not there to see him in ICU. I just spoke with my mother and she seems a little distracted and kinda scared which is unusual for her. But then they have been married for over 50 years and I can imagine how they each must feel when the other is not there.

I know that my father has seen so many changes through these many years. He has worked so hard all his life to provide for his family. I know he loves to travel and he loves to come out west to see me and my brother. And we love to spoil them when they visit. We go out to eat all the time, they like to gamble. They love San Diego and they love to visit with their grandchildren. My father likes to take his afternoon naps and he falls asleep early to the television as my mother reads her gossip magazines. They both love to eat ice cream and recently my father showed me how to make his famous soup, Caldo de Rez.

On a recent trip to Los Angeles, I got them a hotel room in which to rest before they flew out of LAX to go back home. I was so glad that I took them to one of my favorite restaurants. I was glad that I purchased a bottle of wine, cheese, crackers and grapes. My mother and I happily munched and chatted while my father took a nap. They were well rested and I had made arrangements for my father to get some assistance before boarding his plane back home. I have learned how to speak up for myself, how to travel, how to enjoy good food and home made cooking. I have learned how to be a good parent and how I am humbled each time they bow their heads in prayer before every meal. They are good parents and I am glad and proud to be their daughter. I pray that my mother will have the strength to get through these next few difficult days as my father goes through tests and more days at the hospital.

Part of me wants to get on the next plane back home to offer whatever support I can. And yet I know that my parents would both want me to continue working and representing Latinos in a positive manner. I continue to work hard as I audition and train to become a better actor. It is with their continued love and support that I am here doing what I love and doing what I feel I was born to do. I will continue to pray for my father and I know that right now he is surrounded by family that loves him and a wife who has stood by him for many, many years. Their love is a testament to all that is good and true. I may see them soon, I may see them later. It is all in God's hands and we his faithful sheep must endure.

Feature Films

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Yes, people yes it is really me! I have been so busy lately you would not believe it. Last Thursday I met actor Robert David Hall from CSI. He taught our acting class and he is such a gentleman. I took three pages of notes as he shared so much with us. He is a huge advocate for the disabled. He has even spoken in Washington, D.C. and to members of SAG. I was a fan of his show and now I am a fan of David, as he prefers to be called.

And then on Friday, I got an opportunity to audition for Kenneth Castillo. I am a big fan of his work and I finally got to meet him face to face. The audition went well and I received a callback for Wednesday (yesterday). I felt that it went well too and I got a chance to read with another actor, Oscar Torre. I enjoyed his work so much on the cancelled series, Cain with Jimmy Smits. So now I just keep my fingers crossed and say a prayer that I will be the one chosen.

I did not take my laptop with me so I had a ton of emails to attend to when I returned. I haven't written anything for awhile and that is because I am putting all my efforts into being a better actor. And I think my hard work is paying off because while my agent tells me that this is a slow time in the industry, I am still working and auditioning for future work. Thank you, God for the many blessings at this time.

I am meeting new friends, networking and working with some really talented people. I couldn't be happier. So look for me in several films that are in post production right now but should be released soon. And the films are ... Attack of the 30 Ft. Chola, Lean Like A Cholo, The Art Patron and White T. Yes, I can say it now, whew!

Happy Saturday

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Oh my, I realize I haven't written anything in my blog for awhile but it has been a crazy week. I finished working on a short film, The Art Patron. I was working as the Production Manager on that film. However, one of the actresses had to leave to go on an audition and the Director called me over. He decided to put me in a few scenes in her place. I quickly reviewed the script and wardrobe put some more clothes on me and then I taped the scenes. Later, my script supervisor (who hates to be in front of the camera) commented and said, I can tell you are an actress because you just jumped right in there and did your scenes. Of course! I was really proud though because the cast and crew worked so hard that we filmed ahead of schedule. Can't wait to see the final film.

I received a call from the casting director for the film, White T. Apparently there is one more scene he would like me to film for continuity. I film next weekend.

I spoke with my agent and she told me that right now things are a little slow so I am hanging in there. An actor friend of mine talked to me about wanting new representation. He sent me over his demo reel and acting resume, which were quite impressive. I forwarded them to my agent and she has decided to represent him. Way to go! He thanked me up and down but it was not me that got him a new agent. It was his hard work and his persistence that will pay off. Yay!

Opportunities are everywhere, people! You have to keep your antennae up and keep your skills up too. Work hard -- play nice -- and folks will remember you for the professional that you are!

I recently had another interview in a local newspaper do a feature story on me. It was cool, I actually did the interview 2 or 3 months ago and had heard nothing further. But then I was going through some old emails and contacted the writer. She told me that the interview would indeed come out some time this summer. And so she was right. It was pretty cool although I am not a model and wish I would have learned a proper pose. Doesn't matter, what I care about is acting not modeling.

Another hot day so I will jump in the pool -- and get some exercise in today. Those donuts in the kitchen though are calling out to me to eat them. Oh, I must exercise control. Must exercise control -- must exercise control.

Count Your Blessings

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What a wonderful Saturday morning. The sun is shining. I just spoke with my Mom. She is being driven home from a visit to Chicago. We had a lovely chat. I am sitting here with my two cats and who are sleeping next to me. My hubby is teaching music this morning and I have the house all to myself. Peace and quiet!!! Love it.

I was reflecting on how blessed I am to have family, friends and furry friends. I love my job of acting and even the audition process is easier. I love the challenge of going out for national commercials.

Look around at this beautiful earth that we have!!! I watched a film the other day, The Book of Eli. And why is it that there are movies out there talking about the end of the world and the destruction of everything? Doom and gloom. Watch the birds fly. Watch a hummingbird as she gracefully flies from flower to flower. Watch the dolphins swim -- go on a whale excursion. Sail on the San Diego bay!!!

This weekend is the Temecula Balloon & Wine festival. Music, good food and parties! I love it. It's what the weekends were made for.

I am counting my blessings. Someday when I am 69 years young -- I will remember this day. A beautiful home, sleeping kitties, and someone to share my days with. My parents talking and laughing on the phone and friends to share my weekend with. My children are fine -- and all is right with the world. Yes, I am truly blessed.

A Lovely Day

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What a day today. Went to a pool supply place in town to get a part for the pump filter. Went to an Italian restaurant for some good food for lunch. Went to Best Buy, a beauty supply store and the bank. By that time I was exhausted from running around. And now my legs don't want to work.

They feel like lead. I even grabbed the wheelchair at the Best Buy store because I couldn't stand in line while I was waiting at Customer Service. You can't imagine how awful it feels to not have your legs work. Ever wonder what it's like in a wheelchair? You immediately are way down there. People look at you like you're an invalid. Which I guess I am. So I came home, rubbed my legs with a pain relieving cream (didn't work) and put on some warm stockings. Do you know if you have some old tights that you can cut off the panty part and just separate the legs. It's like leg warmers with socks connected. Then I put the heating pad under my thighs and here I am. The heat feels wonderful but the pain is still here.

I came home, ate dinner and watched a live web training on How to Thrive in Hollywood. It was a two hour program and it was excellent. Afterwards I turned the sound off the television and just listened to some music. It was wonderful. Cats on the bed purring softly. A stand-up comedy show on Showtime and some excellent music coming from my laptop. Today is truly a lovely day.

That's Life

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One of my favorite sayings is, that's life! You win some and you lose some. I was put on avail for another national commercial. However, that was it. They never officially released me but I know they filmed the commercial earlier this week. Oh well, I know I did really well that I was called in for a callback and put on avail. It's nice to get to the next level of making it that far along. I know that when I do my best that is all I can do. I am proud of myself for having gone as far as I did. Congratulations to the actor who won the role!

I am busy working on a film that we will film in mid-June. I am working hard with the director and it is coming along nicely. I just finished hiring a Sound person and now we have a full crew. I would like to have one other production assistant but you can't have everything.

I am very excited because my son is visiting us from Italy!!! He is only in town for one week and I've cleared my schedule. I am even thinking of hiring my photographer for some great shots. I am getting the house ready. I am getting the pool ready. My daughter will help with the cookout. I will notify the remaining family members so we can all be present.

One of the things I've noticed about being in this business is that families are important. If you do not have family support, you won't have success. It's essential to know why you are doing this business. Is it because you have something to say? Something to contribute? Many times being an artist just does not pay. So you have to do this for other reasons besides monetary ones. And once you start talking to people about their family, well the whole dynamic changes. I have respect for those who respect and love their family members.

I am looking forward to seeing my family. We will be together for the first time in like 2 or 3 years. That's crazy but that is how life is. I was blessed that my parents came by to see me. And we had a nice time together. I have always wanted my parents to see me have a successful career and now they have.

Well, time to sign off and get my day started. Life is one day at a time -- a day to be respected. A day to be cherished this gift of life.

Trip to San Diego

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So far, a wonderful day. I took a day trip to San Diego and the beauty of the city always takes my breath away. It's so clean compared to Los Angeles. I'm watching "This Is It" with Michael Jackson and I still can't believe he is gone.

I found a new DVD of "Thriller" and it is as wonderful as when it first came out so many years ago. Michael was so very talented and he made everything look so easy. I guess that is the mark of a true professional entertainer.

I am still waiting for word on the callback audition in Santa Monica. My first audition was on Tuesday and my callback was on Thursday. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Woke up tired this morning and I don't understand technology. It is supposed to make our lives so much easier. I plugged in my GPS -- I plugged in my MP3 player. My cellphone was next to me and I was on my way. I guess with all that stuff going, it is important to keep focused.

I have been hired as the Production Coordinator for a short film. I have been on the phone and email all week. I was hoping to have all the positions filled by Friday but that didn't happen. So much depends on getting the right team together. I'm telling everyone to email me so I don't let anything fall in the cracks. I have worked Production before and believe me, being an Actor is so much easier. But I like to be in charge and doing Production can be so time consuming. I even get my own assistant! The film shoots mid-June and believe me, that is just around the corner.

I'm getting rest this weekend if I have to stay put in my bed all weekend. I really do need an assistant!!! One of these days I will have one. It was interesting being at the meeting this morning. It's nice to see old friends and to make some new friends. I need to get a massage. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow.

Strange dream the other day about Matt Damon. I dreamed that we were lying out by the pool. Must have been at a nice Hotel. Anyway, he touched me and I touched his back and he smelled like lavender. And he asked me for my number and I didn't have my cards with me. Isn't that strange? And the strange thing is I woke up and I wanted some lavender soap. And I wanted some Matt Damon too.

An IPOD 4 Me

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Well hello again. Every time family comes into town I get a little loca. I get anxious then run around like a chicken and then sad when they leave. It's like I turn into this little girl again who says love me! love me! And they leave and then I go back to normal and being me again.

So back to the real world. I was driving around in Santa Monica yesterday on a gorgeous 83 degree day. The sun was shining and I had just left a callback audition. I auditioned for another national commercial on Tuesday. And on Wednesday I was told I had a callback for Thursday. It went really well as I repeated the same thing on Tuesday. Was given new direction and the director laughed and laughed (a good sign). I stopped at the Whole Foods store to pick up a healthy lunch and marvelled at what everyone takes for granted.

The weather was gorgeous. People were eating healthy food. We take so much for granted here, we truly do. After lunch I headed home and my phone rang. It was my Agent. I am put on avail. Which means they want to make sure my schedule is clear for the shoot next week. That means they like me, they really like me. But it doesn't mean I have the job. So, I am keeping my fingers crossed. Whatever will be, will be.

I picked up a new DVD of Michael Jackson's Thriller and forgot how wonderful it was. He was so talented and I still can't believe he is gone. That is what I love about film. Long after we have gone somewhere else, there is still film of us somewhere.

Yesterday was a very good day. And today, I purchased a new IPOD just for me. My hubby brought me one and then proceeded to use the hell out of it. So I told him to keep it. Then I was given another one by a friend (who happens to be a very famous Actor). But then my daughter adopted it as her own. So I was determined to get one just for me and I did. My plan is to use it when I walk. I intend to use it as I walk around losing weight.

If you think about the body like a well-oiled machine you will see that losing weight is really very simple. Drink tons of water which is good for you. Eat only when you are hungry and watch your portions. Eat only healthy good things and move! Walk, run, swim, play tennis. Do some gardening. Get off your butt and do something fun that burns the calories. And before you know it, you will lose weight.

So an IPOD for me is the recipe. No smoking, no drinking (wine is okay). No sugar, no white flour, no fried foods, no soda. Look out world, you are going to see a leaner me.

Sick Day

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Um, can I call in sick today? Oh yeah, I don't have a job so I don't have to call in sick. My sister Tina arrived in town with her daughter, Monica. They were both sick!!! Coughing and sneezing and blowing their noses. Yikes! I was their tour guide as they had never been to California before. The entire week they were here they were sick. I think I would have stayed home in my own bed but that is me.

I picked them up from LAX and brought them back here to my home. We went out to eat, we did some sightseeing. We went to a winery in Temecula and had a lovely lunch. We got a hotel room in LA and took Monica to Melrose for shopping. We went to Hollywood and we went to La Jolla. We had a fabulous lunch in Hillcrest and dinner in Old Town San Diego. I'm tired. And now that everyone is gone maybe I can get some much needed rest.

They do not realize that when you have polio and are driving and driving, it wears on my body and on my nerves. And then they over pack and there are 3 gals and they each forgot to bring a hairbrush. Sometimes I don't have any patience. I try not to get upset but really, do you really have to use my hairbrush?

When I travel, I like to rent a car. This way I can come and go as I please. And I like to make my own schedule. I don't like to have my hostess feel like she has to do everything for me. Oh well.

So now I am in bed surrounded by kitties, tissue box, medicine, my laptop and my remote control. Ugh, sore throat please go away!!!

Kitties, come and keep me company. It's nice to have my house back to myself again.

Lazy Sunday

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Today is a lazy Sunday. I am cleaning again because I am having guests again. Yikes! I guess April is the time to entertain family from back home who are sick to death of ice and snow. I can understand that after living in Ohio for too long. Well, Linda and Tina are coming to visit. Tina has never visited California even though we have been here for 18 years now. I guess some people are slow. And some like to spend all their money in Vegas.

I don't understand that kind of thinking. You work really hard all year. If you are lucky, you get 2 weeks paid vacation. So you save your money and you fly to Vegas and you lose all your money gambling. Why don't you just stay home and throw your money out of the car window as you are driving really fast down the freeway? It will go just as fast in Vegas.

I much prefer the hot sunny lazy days at the beach in Del Mar. Or driving down the scenic route to the La Jolla cove. Or walking down the pier in Santa Monica. Or having a fabulous seafood dinner in a nice restaurant on Santa Monica Boulevard. But I guess everyone is entitled to the way they want to live.

One of the best times I ever had was with my husband. We flew into Portland, rented a car. We were shown around town by some friends. We went boating on the water and saw all the beautiful bridges in downtown Portland. We then left and drove up to Seattle. We spend our anniversary weekend up there with some other friends. It was such a good time. The scenery was amazing and our friends were so hospitable. I've been wanting to go back up to the Northwest. The pine trees were so green and smelled so wonderful. Then you can the beautiful dark blue Pacific ocean along the coast. Amazing! But then, I really missed the warm weather and the palm trees. I missed the casual, easy going nature of the people in California. There is something very special about saying you are from Southern California.

One thing I didn't miss was the darn traffic. The frenetic fast-paced traffic. Like a million little ants all trying to get somewhere in a hurry. Ugh!!!

But today is a lazy Sunday. I hear an owl hooting in the afternoon. There is a slight warm breeze coming through my window. And the smell of the calla lilies is amazing. I have to run to the store to pick up some nice wine, cheese and crackers for a little snack. I look forward to seeing family again.

My life has changed so much these past few years. I am at peace. Life is a little slower but much fuller. I don't take anything for granted anymore. I value my friends and my family. I value the work I have been getting. I study hard and try to give 150%. I learn new things everyday. And one of the things I've learned is sometimes you have to know when to let go. You have to move on with your life. It's a lazy Sunday -- and I wouldn't change one thing in my life right now. I am peaceful and happy.

Oye Vey!

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It's been crazy ever since Sunday. Mom and Dad arrived safely into LAX. I picked them up and brought them home with me. It's so nice to see them again. They rested on Monday and Tuesday. On Wednesday we filmed my scenes in the film, Lean Like A Cholo. It was a really funny scene. I play a blind, old woman. And wow they changed my hair to totally gray. And I wore an old lady nightgown. Hilarious! I heard from the Director today who said I was great in the film. Hey, as long as he is happy then I am happy!

On Thursday, I played tour guide and showed them all around San Diego. They always love coming to San Diego. And I wanted to take them on a studio tour here in LA but they wanted to hit the road and go to Vegas.

My brother has them for the next two weeks. They always love being with him as he spoils them so. That is fine because I have auditions to go to -- kitties to take care of -- and an acting class here and there.

One of my fellow actor friends from the Starbucks commercial contacted me today but I couldn't talk to him as I was driving to Vegas. Don't want to get a moving violation ticket.

Wow, all of a sudden I am tired. I love having guests but it's nice to relax when they leave too. This weekend will be hot, we are expecting 90 degrees. So time to open up all the windows -- and enjoy the smell of the sweet roses.

Time to study my lines for an audition tomorrow!!!

Travel

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Do you like to travel? I love it, I love to explore new cities. I would love to travel to San Francisco, one of my favorite cities. My parents are travelling to come see me and to visit my brother in Las Vegas. I am excited to see them again. I haven't seen them in almost one year. I talk to my family every week though. So they know all the craziness that is my life right now.

And then next week, two of my sisters are coming to visit me. I love to play tour guide. I just don't like to pay for everything. So I hope that they will step up to the plate and help with expenses. I don't mind them staying in the guest room. I don't mind that they don't rent a car and I will have to be their driver. But I do mind when I have to pick up their entertainment tab. So I am going to stay positive that we will all have a wonderful time and they will pay for their own entertainment.

I am going to LA to pick up Mom & Dad from the airport. And then I am working on a film on Wednesday. I have a 7 am call time. I am told that I will be working only for a few hours.

Oh and I am still seeing my Starbucks commercial on TV. If you really want to watch it then watch the CBS morning news in its entirety. I've been seeing the entire commercial on there and sometimes I see a shorter version (probably 30 second commercial) on CBS too. Yay!

I checked with my agent and she said it's very slow right now and that accounts for no auditions lately. Oh well, gotta keep my spirits up and concentrate on my acting skills. I have also taken some new head shots which I will put up on the internet soon. From what I saw, they look amazing. I am so pleased with my photographer. He is very good, a friend of mine and I felt totally relaxed and comfortable with him. And the difference between the photos I took last year and the new ones are amazing. It just goes to show just because someone has a camera and the skills does not mean that they are any good.

Well, I'd better get up and get some coffee so I can start my day. I still have some last minute cleaning to do. I have to run to the grocery store and stock up my fridge. I have to wash my car and fill up my gas tank. I love to have visitors. One thing though, while it is wonderful having family visits, it is very difficult to say hasta luego. I try not to get too close to people because they all go away eventually.

Don't Rain On My Parade

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Every time someone tells me I can't do something, I feel breaking out into song like Fanny Brice and start singing, "Don't Rain On My Parade". I was watching the ending of the film, Dead Poets Society and I felt so badly for the young man who commits suicide at the end. His father wanted him to go to med school and become a doctor. The young man was an artist and wanted to be an actor. I felt so much empathy for him because I know how it feels to want to get up there on that stage and just perform. We do it for free. We do it because we love our craft and work so hard to get better and better to earn the right to be up there on that stage.

I remember once when my mother-in-law and her mother were in my kitchen. They both said you want to be an actor? And they just laughed. I wanted to kick them both out of my kitchen for disrespecting me and my dreams. At first I was hurt. But then I got angry. I felt the anger rise up in my throat like bile. I swallowed it but I did not swallow my dreams.

I received a phone call today from a friend who has cast me in his latest film. No audition -- just I wrote this character for you and I want you in my film. It's a small role, only 3 pages of dialog but that is okay with me. It's a very character driven role and I am looking forward to it. We film on Friday!!!

I saw my Starbucks commercial on television again this morning on CBS. It was so cool. When I went to my dentist this morning I told all the girls about it and they were excited for me. One even said, oh we have a celebrity here! I just laughed.

Well, lots to do -- lines to learn and I am finishing preparation of chicken cacciatore for dinner. Then I will relax and watch part 2 of The Kennedys. I sure hope it's better than part 1.

Never, never let anyone rain on your parade. For years when someone would try to disrespect me or my dreams I would just look at them like they were crazy. Because my dreams are not crazy. My dreams are my dreams. And they should be respected.

Spirituality

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I was reading some information about actor Ben Foster. He is a hard-working, determined young actor and I am one of his fans. I enjoy his work on the HBO series, Six Feet Under. He was very good on the film 3:10 to Yuma.

I was thinking about The Secret and Abundant Living. Basically I do believe that what you think about you bring about. So if you are thinking negative thoughts, you will bring negative things into your life. If you think positive things and speak positively, you will bring positive things. Of course you have to do the work. You can't just sit around thinking good scripts and good parts will come to you. You have to be ready and prepare for when those good scripts become available to you. You have to train and keep sharp.

I try to be generous whenever I can. I find that when you are generous, it comes back to you tenfold. It really does. I'm not talking about giving your last dollar to the homeless guy at the end of the freeway. But I am talking about being generous in spirit. At the end of the day, you'll be able to look in the mirror and like how you feel.

Yesterday, I was cleaning and cleaning. It felt so good to throw things out, dust and scrub. I love the clean smell of bleach. I love the feel of my bare feet on squeaky clean tile floors. It feels good to vacuum and dust all the dust bunnies away!

Ever since I was a pre-teenager I've loved the clean smell of soap. I give soap away as gifts all the time. I love how anytime you get soap and water together you get clean, lovely things. Change the sheets, use bleach on whites! It's a wonderful feeling. I love lace and cotton. I love white towels that are fluffy. I love hot bubble baths and clean mirrors.

I hope I didn't overdo it yesterday. Nothing is worse than overdoing it and then paying for it the next day. Then you have to stay in bed all day like a vegetable. I've done that and I hate it. But I've been using my CPAP machine and have been getting some good sleep. I can be so stubborn sometimes. I haven't used my machine for awhile and sure enough, I wasn't sleeping well. The next few days were groggy and lethargic. I even started choking again when I was eating and choking in my sleep. I realized I have the power to change that, just by using my machine which was ordered by my doctor. Oh, that stubbornness has got to go!

It's all about taking your medicine. The truth is I have a disability. And that disability is not going to magically go away. I have to learn to live with it whether I like it or not. I will pace myself. I can get up and do laundry and then rest. I can mop a floor and then rest. I can take a nap in the middle of the day if my body says I need a nap. I can eat small meals throughout the day instead of three large meals. I can drink more water. I can write letters instead of talking on the phone.

I may more choices than I think I do. I can work smarter and not harder and therefore save my body, save my strength. Taking care of your body is essential. Brush your hair, brush your teeth. Floss -- watch your food intake. Eat healthier, these are things I have control over. I owe it to myself to take care of myself every day.

Praying is asking for something. Meditation is sitting still long enough to hear the answers and letting the world speak to me. It speaks to me in volumes if only I am patient enough to listen.