Broken Dolls

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I've been writing for as long as I can remember. I think I started writing my first novel in grade school. I'd start and then stop. I'd show my best friend how many chapters I had written. She'd like it. I'd lose confidence and then stop writing altogether. Vicious cycle.

I remember my friend was going to UCSD and they were asking women of color to send in writing material for their new publication. I submitted a story I had written about women who have been sexually abused and called it "Broken Dolls". It was accepted and published. I was so proud.

I was not aware that it would create such a ripple. Everyone wanted to know who I was. Women who had never told anyone their personal horror stories were suddently reaching out to each other and to me. I opened up a can of worms and I didn't even know it.

I felt ill equipped to deal with their pain because I was dealing with my own issues of childhood sexual abuse. My first instinct was to flee. When you are abused physically, mentally, emotionally but especially sexually you really have intimacy issues later on in life. I still find it difficult to reach out to people and to trust them.

You can imagine my surprise when I heard that there is a film coming out entitled, "Broken Dolls". How can that be? I do hope that someone hasn't stolen my stories and put them out there into a film. I wouldn't be surprised if that happened. But at least give me credit for an original idea.

As I said, it's difficult to trust anyone! Sexual abuse is bad enough but to steal someone's idea to make money for a film is just disgusting. I hope that I'm wrong, but I don't think that I am. It's a sad world.

Hellbent for Hollywood: Andy Arias

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Yes, it is true. My friend and fellow acting class member, Andy Arias is in the cast of Hellbent for Hollywood. He is asking all of his friends to vote for him on the website: http://www.hellbentforhollywood.com and he is #207.

I interviewed Andy for the magazine, Latino LA and the interview turned out pretty well if I do say so for myself. Andy is a special person and I know that once folks get to know him from the article, from the interviews or personally, you'll be a big fan too.

So through the magic of the internet and Facebook and Twitter and MySpace, I know we can all make a difference for Andy.

Go Andy!

Andy Arias, Rising Star!

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I went to one of my acting classes and met a really cute guy with a charming smile, Andy Arias. We did some acting exercises, improv and he blew my socks away. Only later do you realize that he is in a wheelchair.

Andy is a young Latino actor who was born with cerebral palsy. He doesn't let that deter him from following his dreams of wanting to reach out to others through his acting. He doesn't want to be a role model but he is one. I wanted to learn more. So I contacted him and asked to interview him for Latino LA.

We spoke on the phone yesterday and I was doing my research on him, I was amazed that he swims, had done stand in work, had training in hand-to-hand combat, and sings. What can't this guy do, I thought?

He is very excited to be one of the actors featured in Hellbent for Hollywood. He tells me that this program features actors and folks like you and I will get an opportunity to vote for him to stay on the show. Although this is an internet show, the producers are hoping that this program will be picked up by one of the networks. Andy is actor #207 and we can begin voting for him now. You can only vote once so do keep that in mind.

My article is published today on http://latinola.com/ and is listed under the Hollywood section. Of course!

Watch out, Hollywood! Andy is in the house!

To vote for Andy: go to http://hellbentforhollywood.com/ vote for #207

And yes, he is as cute as he looks! Spread the word to your friends when you blog. Once in awhile you meet someone who is as beautiful on the inside as he is on the outside. That doesn't happen very often in Hollywood. But in Andy's case, it is!

What's New With You?

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Well, I am so glad you asked. I had a job interview for a writing position. And it was weird timing because I applied and the very next day my Agent called to tell me they wanted to see me. Well, she knows that I do theatre and I do drama and I do comedy. So she represents me for theatre, commercial work and print work. Print work is modeling stuff. If you know me, you know I do not look like a model. I look like your regular average American woman. Now the average American woman is 5'4" tall and wears a size 14. I am under 5'4" and I wear a size 12. Which is HUGE in LA. Most women there are a size 0 to 4. Yup, 0 to 4. I am not large enough to wear Lane Bryant clothes. Although if I keep eating, I'll get there. I am in that in between stage. So needless to say, I don't like going to the mall or shopping for clothes.

Back to the writing position. So my Agent does not know that I write. Even though I am a regular contributing writer to Latino LA. (here's my plug: http://www.LatinoLA.com). So that's cool, I landed an appointment for an interview. But I have guests in my home and I can't just leave them and run up to LA. So I rescheduled the appointment for Thursday (yesterday). It worked out great cause I was able to relax and enjoy my guests. And after they left I realized they will probably want to see some of my new work.

As a writer there are times when you can't write or type fast enough. The material just pours out of you onto the page. And then there are other times when you can't write if your life depended on it. I hate those times. I know they are only temporary and then I'll spring back to life again. So I started to panic because I wanted to show him something new.

And then I started doing some research on some new material I had in mind. Then I started watching some old rap performances on You Tube. And I started watching some new material like Black Eyed Peas and Usher. And I started writing and writing and yes, I came up with some new stuff.

The interview went very well and I may have an opportunity to join and collaborate with some other writers in a new venture. The only thing is, I'm used to doing my own thing. I'm thinking over their offer of joining them and working as a team. But then, who will own my material? See, things to think about before joining anything. People this is Show business. Emphasis on business! So I have to think with my head.

In the meantime, I've been seriously thinking about making my own You Tube videos for a long time. I've done some celebrity interviews. I can do some video interviews. I know tons of famous people and I always have people asking me to interview them. So, let me know what you think. Write a comment and let me know your opinion.

Hasta la vista!

August es Muy Caliente!

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It's so darn hot in August. But after all, it is August. I started August out strong shooting some promos at the former MGM lot in LA. I did background -- once you are booked on a gig you really don't know what is in store for you. There were only 8 of us and 2 were chosen for Principle roles. It was cool to meet the other actors. We were all professional and met the Wardrobe guy and the Director. I was told by my agent that they were very pleased with all of us. We were on time, professional and did a great job. That's how to get future work, so I'm pleased. Getting paid for this will be the icing on the cake.

I have an interview tomorrow as a writer. I started to panic because when you are a writer or an actor, we panic. Why are we so insecure? I did a tarot card reading on myself and if I read the cards correctly, the cards said that if I don't believe in myself, who will? And that is so true. We have to go into auditions and interviews with confidence! We have to know that we are best person for that job and they would be silly to hire anyone else!

Once I started panicking, I started to get to work. I stayed up till 2:00 a.m. I'm not a day person, anyway. And I came up with quite a bit of original material. Very exciting stuff. Now I have to find my tripod which I know is in this house somewhere... and practice on camera work. We do have a few places here in town that have open mic night. It would be a good idea to go over there and practice my new material in front of a live audience to see what works and what doesn't.

See, if I were a manager I would advise my client to do just that. So being part of show business means you are not only the talent, we are the creator of our careers too. Speaking of which, there has been some questionable material on the casting sites lately. Is is me, or is everyone taking their clothes off now? I can't believe some of the breakdowns I am seeing. Like this...

Female actor needed to simulate sex. Nudity required. Low-budget film. No pay. What the hell! Why would any woman say, oh yeah -- sign me up. Please take advantage of me on film, ruin what could possibly be a good career -- and don't pay me for the priviledge of showing you my chi chis. These people need to get real.

There was one time when I went to audition for a play in San Diego. The audition was going pretty well. There were 4 of us ladies on stage. We had to briefly talk about ourselves for a few moments. And then we were asked to simulate masturbation. The other 3 ladies did. I just stood there and refused to do it. I am a former Catholic lady, people. I refused to cross that line. For what? For some stupid 3 guys who, I don't even know who they were. There is a difference between an Actor and a whore. Even in Hollywood, or in this case, San Diego.

'Why don't you give me the respect I deserve?" "Because I am not one of your fans"! quote from Mommie Dearest.

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

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I'm so excited! We filmed the Jeopardy promos on Tuesday. And when I arrived at Sony Studios, I saw a sign on the lot that said Columbia Pictures. When we arrived at the Security gate we were taken by golf cart to our stage. As we were being driven on the lot, we were told that this lot was the former MGM lot! How exciting! They told us this is where they filmed 'The Wizard of Oz'.

I looked around me at the hills and the blue sky and I imagined all the stars like Judy Garland and Clark Gable, Joan Crawford and Ava Gardner reporting to the very same lot. It was a dream come true.

When I was a teen in high school, I always auditioned for high school musical productions. I was a dancer in one production, a chorus member in another. And finally, I played the lead role in our production of 'My Fair Lady'. When we graduate we are supposed to write a where are they now 20 years after graduation. I wrote that I was working on a film at MGM Studios. Is that wild or what? See, who said dreams don't come true?

We were there for 5-1/2 hours. We didn't get a chance to meet Alex. But, Vanna White was there. And some of other actors saw Cameron Diaz. You never know who you are going to see.

In the older days, someone saw potential in you and would give you a contract to be part of the studio talent. In one sense being a part of a studio meant you got some real on-the-job training. They taught you to dance, to sing, how to pose. How to answer questions with the press. All that stuff. But then they tried to control your personal life, too. Now we are pretty much on our own -- left to our own devices.

What a history of that studio. So now I have worked on the Gower lot, Universal Studios lot, Raleigh Studios and now Sony. Look out Warner Brothers, you're next!

What's Your Dream?

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Do you have one? Are you going for your dreams? Do you dream or have you stopped dreaming? I have a friend who said she was awakened because she was panicky about her dreams. They were so big that they literally woke her up. Sometimes that will happen. Your unconscious self will talk to you in your sleep and point you to the right way of achieving your dreams.

That actually happened to me too. I was fast asleep in little Toledo, Ohio and I woke next to my husband in a panic. I knew, I absolutely knew that we had to get out of town and move out West. I knew that I was wasting my life there and that if I really wanted to achieve my dreams that I'd have to leave.

Now for a Latina, to leave your family and your childhood friends is very tough. But I knew I was on the right path once I left and moved to California. When I was starting out as an actor I joined local community theater and started at the bottom as a book holder. My job was to go to all the rehearsals and help the actors if they forgot a line. They would call out, 'line' and I would give them their next line in the play. After awhile, I knew I could be an actor too.

I moved onto chorus work in several musicals. I wasn't a good enough actor or dancer to play a Principle role. But that way okay because I was learning the ropes. And it was amazing how some folks let their role get to their head. And part of me was thinking, this isn't Broadway people, it's little Toledo, Ohio. But I learned to work hard and landed several roles. I even took some acting classes at the University of Toledo.

I met a really nice man who worked for the local television station and his name was Jim Rudes. He was the first person I met who actually said I had talent and he was very encouraging. The other person who encouraged me was our Music teacher in high school. His name was Gordon Simpson.

When I moved out to California I started working as a background extra and learned the film business. I was in the pilot episode of The L Word. I worked on the film, Top Dog and The Virgin of Juarez and Sueno. I worked on Little Black Book and Six Feet Under. I eventually landed roles in some student films for Chapman University film school. I got roles in industrial films and worked as a Production intern for a director.

I started doing commercials and worked on a commercial for UPS, and medical industrial films for the American Cancer Society. I auditioned for and got an agent. I landed a national commercial for Capitol One. I've met some great people along the way.

I started writing and started having my articles published. I am currently writing my first novel and tomorrow I am filming again. So that's my dream. To continue writing and being a working actor. I've even written original material and performed them onstage in Hollywood.

Not bad for a gal from Toledo, Ohio to Hollywood. And I'm not stopping, either. You may find me in an acting class. Or I may interview you for an upcoming article. You can google my name and see some of my accomplishments. I think about all those naysayers in Toledo who said you want to be an actress? Damn right, I do. So look out world, here I come!