Travel

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Do you like to travel? I love it, I love to explore new cities. I would love to travel to San Francisco, one of my favorite cities. My parents are travelling to come see me and to visit my brother in Las Vegas. I am excited to see them again. I haven't seen them in almost one year. I talk to my family every week though. So they know all the craziness that is my life right now.

And then next week, two of my sisters are coming to visit me. I love to play tour guide. I just don't like to pay for everything. So I hope that they will step up to the plate and help with expenses. I don't mind them staying in the guest room. I don't mind that they don't rent a car and I will have to be their driver. But I do mind when I have to pick up their entertainment tab. So I am going to stay positive that we will all have a wonderful time and they will pay for their own entertainment.

I am going to LA to pick up Mom & Dad from the airport. And then I am working on a film on Wednesday. I have a 7 am call time. I am told that I will be working only for a few hours.

Oh and I am still seeing my Starbucks commercial on TV. If you really want to watch it then watch the CBS morning news in its entirety. I've been seeing the entire commercial on there and sometimes I see a shorter version (probably 30 second commercial) on CBS too. Yay!

I checked with my agent and she said it's very slow right now and that accounts for no auditions lately. Oh well, gotta keep my spirits up and concentrate on my acting skills. I have also taken some new head shots which I will put up on the internet soon. From what I saw, they look amazing. I am so pleased with my photographer. He is very good, a friend of mine and I felt totally relaxed and comfortable with him. And the difference between the photos I took last year and the new ones are amazing. It just goes to show just because someone has a camera and the skills does not mean that they are any good.

Well, I'd better get up and get some coffee so I can start my day. I still have some last minute cleaning to do. I have to run to the grocery store and stock up my fridge. I have to wash my car and fill up my gas tank. I love to have visitors. One thing though, while it is wonderful having family visits, it is very difficult to say hasta luego. I try not to get too close to people because they all go away eventually.

Don't Rain On My Parade

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Every time someone tells me I can't do something, I feel breaking out into song like Fanny Brice and start singing, "Don't Rain On My Parade". I was watching the ending of the film, Dead Poets Society and I felt so badly for the young man who commits suicide at the end. His father wanted him to go to med school and become a doctor. The young man was an artist and wanted to be an actor. I felt so much empathy for him because I know how it feels to want to get up there on that stage and just perform. We do it for free. We do it because we love our craft and work so hard to get better and better to earn the right to be up there on that stage.

I remember once when my mother-in-law and her mother were in my kitchen. They both said you want to be an actor? And they just laughed. I wanted to kick them both out of my kitchen for disrespecting me and my dreams. At first I was hurt. But then I got angry. I felt the anger rise up in my throat like bile. I swallowed it but I did not swallow my dreams.

I received a phone call today from a friend who has cast me in his latest film. No audition -- just I wrote this character for you and I want you in my film. It's a small role, only 3 pages of dialog but that is okay with me. It's a very character driven role and I am looking forward to it. We film on Friday!!!

I saw my Starbucks commercial on television again this morning on CBS. It was so cool. When I went to my dentist this morning I told all the girls about it and they were excited for me. One even said, oh we have a celebrity here! I just laughed.

Well, lots to do -- lines to learn and I am finishing preparation of chicken cacciatore for dinner. Then I will relax and watch part 2 of The Kennedys. I sure hope it's better than part 1.

Never, never let anyone rain on your parade. For years when someone would try to disrespect me or my dreams I would just look at them like they were crazy. Because my dreams are not crazy. My dreams are my dreams. And they should be respected.

I Was on the Radio!

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Wow, I am coming down from my high on being a guest on the program, Disabled Radio. It was my first radio interview and if you listened in, thanks so much. My thanks to Rob Pritts who is the host of the show and to Vince Staskel who is the producer in NY.

I have to admit I was a wee bit nervous and had a glass of wine with me. Before I knew it, the hour program was over. I am hearing good things on my Facebook page so I guess I did okay.

I wanted to reiterate that being a Latina -- being a disabled person can be challenging but not impossible. There are opportunities out there but you have to work really, really hard. You have to believe in yourself. You have to know that as an actor or a performer if you are lacking in some area, get more training. Be confident and go after your dreams.

I have to give a shout out to the folks at Polio Today.org for their efforts in educating those with polio and their caregivers. They are on the web and on Facebook. Their web address is: www.PolioToday.org and they are there to help. I also have to thank my local polio support chapters in Hemet, CA and Riverside, CA. The folks down in San Diego, CA were also very helpful.

I want to thank my Editor, Abelardo at Latino LA for giving me an opportunity to write for the magazine and becoming a Contributing Writer. I love every minute!

I want to thank my mentors, Herbert Siguenza (Culture Clash member) and actor Hector Luis Bustamante for their support.

And finally to my family and friends for your support and love. I hope I am not too much of a pain in the behind.

And to those who listened in and sent in their questions, thank you so much. I have a huge audition tomorrow for NBC. So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Do we need to see more actors with disabilities on television -- internet -- and film? Absolutely!

Disabled Radio Guest

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Hey there everyone and good evening one and all! I just spoke with Rob Pritts who is the man behind the microphone at Disabled Radio. He has asked me to be his guest this Wednesday, March 23 at 6 pm PST/8 pm CST. This program is an Internet radio show for and about disabled folk. Their website is http://www.disabledradio.com/

I hope you have all had a chance to see the Starbucks commercial. It was great fun to film although it was a cold and rainy day. I always get a kick when I see it on television or on the Starbucks website.

It was quiet last week and I was under the weather so I needed the rest. Getting over a cold and persistent cough.

LA was getting drenched with the rain and believe me, we need it. I am hoping that by April 1 we start getting some warm weather.

Working on the film White T was fun and it will be so cool to be invited to the wrap party and to go to the premiere. I wonder if it will premiere in LA or New York? Guess I'll have to wait and see.

I have been invited to several interesting events. An art gallery party in Palm Springs, a screening of a new film and a chance to meet and hear Phylicia Rashad. Also, my friend Herbie Siguenza will be performing in his one-man show, An Afternoon with Pablo Picasso at the Los Angeles Theater Center. I saw his show when he performed in San Diego last year. He is simply amazing.

Well, I should get some rest. I must prepare for two interviews on Wednesday. Goodnight Moon!

Feature Film: White T

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Everything has been happening so quickly that I am having a difficult time keeping up. Thank goodness I am an organized person. I am in the habit of bringing pen and paper, and my digital camera with me everywhere. Not to mention make-up, tissues and of course a toothbrush and toothpaste.

So last week I worked on two films. On Thursday I worked on a new feature film, White T. Look it up on www.imdb.com and you can see the poster. So I report to the 2nd Assistant Director and he tells me he will take me to my trailer. What? My very own trailer? Yes! It was so exciting. My character is described as Old Mexican cleaning woman. Name: Lupita

Here is a photo of me in Wardrobe outside the door. The sign says Lupita! I walked in and there was a sitting area, sink, stereo, lavatory, mirror. And on the sink, bottled water and some food goodies. I went to my car and brought a few personal items. Then I started to think that the next time I have my own trailer, it should include the items I had in my trailer such as:

bottled water, tissues, toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, dental floss, make-up remover, moisturizer, socks or footies, thank you notes, stamps, a book and of course, my call sheet.

I really felt like a professional actor. I reported to makeup and wardrobe. The director said I looked too young and wanted the make-up lady to put my hair up and to make me look older. My uniform was a rental and I really liked it. It was a soft blue with white piping around the short sleeve. My shoes were soft white slip on flats that I saw at the Rite Aid store for $6.99. They were actually quite comfortable.

So I stripped down to my undies put on a robe and just rested because my scenes wouldn't be filmed for at least another hour. It gave me some time to rehearse privately and unwind. We were shooting in a busy area in North Hollywood.

I completed my two scenes and I think I did pretty well. One scene involved some hysterical acting and crying. And if you know me, you know I can be a drama queen. I was told I would be invited to the wrap party and of course the screening of the film. My first red carpet! Unless of course, the Chola films wraps first. Then that film will be my first red carpet. I'll have to worry about what to wear. But of course, I have awhile to think about that later.

So now a slow week -- thank goodness -- and back to auditioning again. This is the life of an actor. But you know what? I love it! This is Lupita signing off.

Starbucks Espresso Commercial - Sue

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This is my Starbucks commercial. Don't blink or you'll miss me!

On the Chola Set

What a busy week -- we filmed for a very long day and this is a photo of me with Alicia -- two Cholas from back in the day. I love the make-up and the costumes. I am always in my curlers and my pink robe. We are very close to completing Attack of the 30 Ft Chola. I only have one or two more scenes to film.

Kieron Estrada is our director and he does so much and is so knowledgeable. It is my thrill and pleasure to work with him. I am hoping that this film will get into the indie circuit.

It was a hectic week and now I am relaxing. Yay! Glad that the weather is better. I plan on catching up on housework, laundry and eating some good homecooked meals.

I just received an email this morning from a fellow co-star on our commercial. The commercial is for Starbucks and now that it is being aired I can talk about it. It was very exciting to go to the audition. I did a good job and the very next day my agent called me to let me know I was on avail. Then the following day she called me to tell me I booked the job. It is such a great feeling of accomplishment to know that I did something right.

I am reading a book right now about acting and so much is just trial and error. I have had some bad auditions but I learned from them. And I have had some auditions where I booked the job and I don't even know what I did right. And now I am to the point where I know I did well, didn't do well or could have done better. But I am feel that this job has put me into the category of being a professional actor. It's a wonderful feeling. I don't know anyone there, this job was not a favor for a friend. It was auditioning and being professional and doing a good job.

They were so wonderful on the set, I can't even tell you. The staff was professional. The food was good, everything about this job was amazing. And to think that I was very close to quitting at Christmas time. And as low as I felt, I kept thinking to myself that the next job could be the big job and it will go to someone else. So I swallowed those feelings of rejection and negativity and just knew that tomorrow would be a better day.

And here I am with a national commercial, an indie film and a feature film all in one month. Needless to say, my agent is happy with me. And I am thrilled to have her in my corner.

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Happy Birthday to Me!

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Oh my, I thought it was like 11 pm but it just turned midnight which means today is my birthday! It has been an incredible year so far. Truly incredible. It started out a little slow and then things started picking up and it has been a whirlwind of activity since mid January.

This week I had no auditions and that was fine with me. I really rested my bod all week. I caught up with paperwork, did some house work. I haven't really watched any movies but have watched a little television here and there.

I'm filming next week and it is really important to focus and be on my game. So I'm glad that I didn't have any distractions. Friday was the most amazing day. Had a wonderful breakfast and I got some wonderful birthday gifts. My brother called me and we had some chuckles. He always has me laughing. He wants to fly Mom & Dad out west to come see us. I can't wait to see them. I haven't seen them since October and I know they would like to get out of that cold weather.

I was offered a role in a new film and I get the script tomorrow. And, I spoke with a casting director earlier in the week. Things are happening in my career!!! It's so exciting to see some fruits coming from all my labor these past 7 years.

I hope to see my son and my nephew for my birthday too. It's not the same without family around to help you celebrate. I used to hate birthdays but now I love them.

As I get older, I realize what is really important and that is family, friends, work, laughter, spirituality and giving back. I hope to become a better person with each day that I am given, because everyday is a blessing. Everyday is a gift from the creator, this gift of life. And for that, I am truly humbled and grateful.

In Like a Lion

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Happy March 1 -- I like March, I like the saying In like a lion and out like a lamb. My birthday is in March so I've always looked forward to March. However, growing up in northwestern Ohio the weather was always horrible with snow and ice everywhere. How is a kid supposed to have a nice birthday party with snow everywhere? Oh well. There are many famous people born in March such as Liza Minnelli and other famous Pisces are Elizabeth Taylor. I think she was born in February,though.

So March is here and before you know it, it will be June. Trust me that is how quickly time flies by. So in March I will be filming two movies: One is my final scenes for the indie flick, "Attack of the 30 Foot Chola" and the other is a small role in a feature film, "White T". You can look me up on www.imdb.com

I look forward to more auditions in the month of March. I was interviewed yesterday for an online local publication. And I will be doing a radio interview for Disabled Radio on March 23. I am enjoying being a part of the disabled community and I working towards being an advocate for hiring the disabled. My agent has several disabled actors that she represents and that is a wonderful thing. I don't know if I can help anyone but I hope to inspire folks to concentrate on what you can do and not what you can't do. My goodness, if I worried about all the things I can't do, I would never even get out of bed in the morning.

I really enjoy being a writer, sitting at my laptop and conducting telephone interviews. It's great. I can do my research, set up interviews and connect everything for telephone interviews. When I did my personal interview yesterday, I was thrilled to go back to the theater where I had so many beautiful memories. I remember hearing about the building of the theater and what groups would be allowed to perform there. And I knew that I would be performing there someday and I did. Such happy times!

Well, off to start my day on this first day of March. Like a lion, I am ready to roar -- start my day -- and head off into the jungle.

Great Month

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I have been really blessed this month with four auditions. I had to bail on one audition because of the physical challenge. And of the other three auditions, I had two callbacks, one booking and one avail. Yay! I'm getting better, I can feel it. And it all comes down to training and experience.

The training is going to give you the knowledge of what to do. And the experience good and bad is going to give you the confidence of what to do and what not to do. And the more confident you are, the more jobs you book!

I constantly hear from other actor friends who are wondering why I am getting booked and they are not. And it is all about the above. You cannot just sit around waiting for the phone to ring with a booking. The training will keep you sharp and competitive. The more auditions you go on, the more confident you will become.

I have had a reporter from a local publication contact me about doing a print interview. I am going to try to schedule that for sometime tomorrow. And I have been booked on a radio program, Disabled Radio. I am going to be their guest speaker on March 23. So, google Disabled Radio (they are in Chicago) and listen in @ 8 pm CST. I am on the west coast so it will be 6 pm PST.

Tonite I have another acting class. Our guest instructor will be David L Lander from the Laverne & Shirley show. Remember him? Well he has written a book about his bout with multiple sclerosis. And now he is an advocate for hiring disabled actors. Yay, unity in numbers. I am looking forward to the class tonight.

LA all last week and in Vegas this week and then back to LA. I have to be in Santa Monica this weekend and next week in Palm Springs. Yikes! Sometimes I think I need to have a personal driver.

My friend is currently living in Texas and is coming back to California. I worry for him because he has no job and don't even know if he will have a place to live. He talks about going up to San Francisco and finding a rich boyfriend to take care of him. Yikes! Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?

I am having a great month -- gotta keep it up. Gotta keep the momentum going. If it is to be, its up to me.

Riding the Wave

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Do you know what happens when you work really hard and you learn your craft? Well, if you don't give up -- you get the job!

I had breakfast this morning with a good friend who is also an actor. We talked about how important it is to not only learn your craft, but to stay positive, network and do all the right things. There were times when he would be down and I would help by giving advice. And there were times when I would be down and he would give me advice. That is what friends are for.

I have friends who are casting directors, production assistants, make-up and wardrobe ladies, acting coaches and even managers. You need friends to be honest and give you constructive criticism. And you need a thick skin. This business is tough but not impossible.

You need a support system of friends and family to cheer you on. Believe me, there were times that I felt like giving up. There were times that I worked all day and went to rehearsals at night. I did shows and plays. I've screwed up auditions and cried all the way home. But I learned from each and every audition. A friend of mine, Culture Clash member Herbie Siguenza told me to go out for each and every role that I felt I was right for. He said to learn from each and every audition. And I did. I took mental notes and each time tried to be as prepared as I could be.

And so look out -- because you will see more and more of me -- on television -- in films -- on the radio -- and in print. I am not sitting by my phone waiting for it to ring. I am taking charge of my career. I am the boss, I am in charge.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

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Thank you to all my followers who have taken time from their busy day to accompany me in this life. There are so many times when one can feel so alone and it is nice to reach out into cyberspace and find some friends. I recently asked some friends to pray for me and it warmed my heart that I received messages of encouragement, thought and yes, prayers.

I worry about those folks that are alone especially on days like this, Valentine's Day. I think about my sister who is unlucky in her love life. I think about my brother-in-law who is 55 years old and has never been on a date (to my knowledge). And I think about those who are alone now through death, separation or divorce. Wow. I feel for them, I really do. But there is such a thing that is called self love.

I always try to work on myself. I compete with myself, if you will. I know my shortcomings, believe me. I try to work on those. I know I can be impatient. I try to laugh everyday. And I do have a sarcastic tongue. Now that I am older, I often bite my tongue. I would rather do that than say something mean or sarcastic to someone just because I can. I enjoy taking the high road. I'm not perfect by any means but I know when it is better to say nothing at all than to say something spiteful.

I have some news! I have been asked to speak on the radio. It's true. We are still in talks of when and what to talk about but I feel so blessed to be asked. It's exciting! I think I have stuff to say. And if you know me, you know that once I start talking, it's tough to get a word in. Sorry but so often I am alone and in my head so that when I do get around folks, I do like to talk.

I had a lovely chat with my friend, Andy. I always feel good when I talk to him. We can commiserate together because he is also an actor with a disability. We are each other's cheerleaders. One of the things I intend to do this year is to stay on top of my game with acting classes. If you don't stay in tune, you can get rusty. That is true with any profession. I always encourage Andy to take classes, to stay sharp. He encourages me when I go to audition after audition.

There are so many good films right now and I am excited that I saw The Black Swan and The Kings Speech. I still want to see some other films before the academy awards. I'd better hurry up.

Well, off to start my day. I must pace myself and not overdo it. There are people to see and places to go. I have my cell phone, my writing tablets and my pens. I have my camera and my tape recorder. Who shall I interview today???

Never Give Up

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I enjoy reading some of my old posts. When I was a teenager I had a diary. It really helped to get rid of teenage angst. And now this blog helps me get out of my head, voice some frustrations, get excited about what is around the corner and really stop to smell the roses.

I think about people like FDR who had polio and still unified our country in a very turbulent time. I think about Winston Churchill who lifted his hands in a V for Victory. They never gave up.

Sometimes it feels like why am I auditioning over and over? Why am I reading another book on acting or taking another acting class? Why do I do research and contact people and interview people and meet deadlines? Why am I taking a clown class? And I realize it is because I am an artist and I have a voice that i like to use.

I always felt this way. When my siblings were excelling in Sports, I was reading the classics. When things were low because we had no money and were getting on each other's nerves, I would entertain our family. When I was on high school I practiced and practiced until I became good enough to get on the dance team. The polio I had only made me work that much harder to get better and better.

I auditioned for every high school play. I played every role that i could get. When I got out of high school I missed acting so much that I found local community actors and joined them. At first they only let me help actors with their lines. Then I started getting small roles. Then I started getting chorus work on the musicals. Then I started doing Shakespeare in the Park. Then we moved to Los Angeles and I started doing background in the movies.

Along the way, some have discouraged me. And some have encouraged me. I have received rejection after rejection. And occasionally, I would receive an encouraging word from a director or a casting director or a fellow actor, or a good friend. And believe me, those encouraging words kept me going in my heart and in my soul.

The moral of this story is this. You must believe in yourself. If you do not believe in yourself, no one else will either. And eventually, it all begins to make sense and come together. And eventually you know what you can do and what you can't. You know what you are good at and what needs to be improved. You learn to accept constructive criticism and stay away from negative people.

Opportunities don't come that often so when they do, you must reach for them. And you must prepare for them because sometimes they come when you least expect them. And most of all, enjoy the ride.

I'm Mad as Hell...

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I am writing in blue because I am blue. I'm mad as hell and I don't know how much of this I can take anymore. I was in so much pain because of the pps and again I took a hot bath, tried to relax and now I am on the couch again. I hate this. I have so much to do. I am surrounded by two remotes for the television, a book, two writing tablets, no pen, my cellphone, a glass of lemonade, some moisturizing lotion and a pillow for my back. Where is that damn pen?

Thank goodness for laptops and the Internet. I am at least able to connect with the outside world. I do miss my sisters and I wish one of them were here to help me take care of myself. I was reduced to yelling for my husband (again). I needed help to get out of the tub and getting dressed in a house coat. For younger readers a house coat is a cotton sleeping gown, very unglamourous and unsexy. He hates when I wear it, I like it. It's soft and cozy and when you are in pain, you don't feel sexy.

I have just taken a pain pill which will make me drowsy in about one hour. I feel like taking two or three. Pain, pain go away! I am reminded of that self portrait of Frida Kahlo called the Little Deer. There is a little deer running in the forest and it has been hit by numerous arrows in its tiny body. It sheds a tear because it is in such pain. I remember when I was a little girl I told my mother I wish I had extra feet. She wondered what I meant but I told her I wish I could take these feet off (cause they hurt so much) and could put on some new feet that were ready to go. My new feet would be all charged up like a battery and they could take me wherever I wanted to go and I wouldn't be in any pain anymore.

My house has a step from the living room to the hallway towards the bathroom and bedrooms. Every day I go up and down that damn step. By the end of the evening, I am hobbling up that damn step and holding onto the wall for support. I'm mad as hell!

Okay, enough of a pity party. I haven't heard anything yet from the audition last week. I hope I do because it is an exciting gig. I know you are wondering how can she do it? Well, for now I use my heating pad and some pain meds. We polio survivors are very strong and determined to work hard and be our best at whatever we do. So I am not worried about it. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

I did decide not to audition for "Jesus Christ, Superstar" and "Evita". Two of my fave shows of all time. But I know I cannot do night after night of rehearsals and shows for no $$$. I have heard from my director though, and I am filming for two weekends in March. Yay!!! He wanted me to work on March 5 (my birthday) but I am not filming on my birthday. I am relaxing on my birthday. I want to go sailing on my birthday. I want to eat lobster on my birthday. I want to have a drink and party on my birthday. I don't want to film for an 8 - 10 - or 12 hour day!

God, where are my sisters? I wish I had one of them here with me to help me. But they all have their own lives so I bet they wouldn't want to help me. It would be very "Baby Jane" with me lying in bed or on the sofa or in the wheelchair. And my sister doing the cooking and the cleaning. She would be Jane and I would be Blanche. I can see it now! Oh, if I wasn't in this wheelchair! But you are Blanche, you are! Yikes!

My sister is getting a divorce. And she is working at a medical facility. And she has been trained as a certified nursing assistant. She would be perfect. But she has this big dog that is dying and he takes up half her living room. Would she like living in my California home? I have an extra bedroom and bathroom. I could get her a television with free cable. All she would have to do is do the shopping, cooking and cleaning. I wonder? Maybe I'll give her a call. Maybe she could help me out of the tub and help me get dressed.

She could sit out by the pool and have a glass of wine with me. I wouldn't be too much trouble. I know I wouldn't be too much trouble. I am excellent company, I'm very quiet. We could watch movies together. I think I'll give her a call. Would you like to relocate to sunny California? Post-polio syndrome is no fun.

Audition Tomorrow

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Yes! An audition tomorrow for a really cool (and easy) project. I am hoping I do well enough to book this gig. It pays really well and I know my agent would love it if I get the gig. So keep your fingers crossed for me. If I don't get this, I swear I'm moving away, far, far away.

I was looking up some old friends today and heard from one of them. She is involved in the Rotary Club. I was glad because they do so much for so many. The Rotary Club is trying to wipe out polio around the world. I was asked to be a guest speaker at one of the local chapters. It was very interesting. And they presented me with a book on all that the Rotary International is doing around the world. I felt quite honored.

I have to get an early start on my day tomorrow. I am very tired today. I took a bath, got dressed. Made out a grocery list, went to the store. Came home and started making some home made soup (caldo). Dinner came out really good. I also sent out two job resumes and then received the email notification of the audition tomorrow.

It's a little chilly in the air but I can't complain. I feel so badly for everyone back home who are going through a really rough winter. I don't know how they do it. It gets down to 50 degrees here and everyone complains. I myself get some logs and throw them in the fireplace. Gees! But when you are a polio survivor like I am, then it is imperative that we stay warm. I am sitting here on the sofa with a blanket over my legs and a pillow for my back and I am still in pain.

I really don't talk about it much. At least, I don't think I do. But being an actor with a disability is not easy. We also have our own little group. There are some that are hearing impaired. There are others with cerebral palsy who are in wheelchairs. There are some that are blind. Some have speech impediments. I know I am lucky to be as mobile as I am. I wear leg braces at home. I also have a cane for balance. I have a wheelchair when I get too exhausted to walk. Lately, my back has been hurting and my head feels like it weighs as much as a bowling ball. Yikes!

Any other polio survivors out there??? Or others with disabilities? Because I would love to hear from you. One of the other wonderful aspects of having post polio syndrome is the sleep apnea. I have a CPAP machine to help me breathe at night. It is a godsend.

I go to the doctor again soon. But what am I going to say? It's the same old thing again and again. Unless I get a new body, the complaints will be the same. What's the use? Who cares about those of us who have post polio syndrome???

How Foolish

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LA Casting is looking for a cat woman. Not a hot cat woman like in Batman, but a real cat woman to interview. Oh yes, you must not have one or two cats. You must own a minimum of twelve cats. Don't you want to make a fool out of yourself on national television for $100?

What is this world coming to? Is reality television the death of real acting? I am so sick of the Housewives of ... (name your city). I am sick of the I Almost Died because.... and Ghost Stories of celebrities, blah blah blah.

That goodness for the power of the remote control. There are times that I watch the History channel which has better programming than most programs. And thank goodness for PBS. I have an interview lined with someone coming up for a PBS program on Tuesday night. So be sure to catch up on my articles for Latino LA magazine.

I am working on some clown material. And guess what? I have actually learned how to make balloon animals. It was kinda scary at first. My cats got scared of all the balloon rabbits and dogs around the house. I can't explain why I need to do this. I wrote an article once on taking clown classes and now here I am actually doing it. I guess my point is sometimes as an artist we have to do things that don't make sense to anyone else but us. And I felt the character of a clown calling me. It may lead to a future role. It may lead to nothing at all. But it was something that I needed to do.

I may start writing again soon. I may have to. Well, I guess I am just so sick of how some people in this industry uses others to get ratings for so little money. Where is your dignity, people?

okay, no more bitching. New head shots... trips to LA ... interviews to line up and people to see. a busy week... no rain, please. sunshine and a trip to the ocean.

What's My Line?

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Hello again and welcome to What's My Line... just kidding. I am sitting home on a Saturday night with my laptop. The television is muted because I can't seem to concentrate on two things at once. I am thinking about the leftover Chinese food in the refrigerator. But it's too late to eat and I had a chocolate candy bar today which I probably shouldn't have eaten. However, I have been craving chocolate and once presented, I had to eat it.

I watched my friends on the new episode of Pit Boss. Yes, I worked with Sebastian and Ronald on a film pilot last year. We had a really good time playing the role of angels in heaven. My other friend, Lexi is rehearsing for a new play. I am still waiting to see my episodes of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant and Childrens Hospital.

I spoke with my former boss, Rick Najera (pictured here with me). I saw him recently at the CBS Diversity Showcase in N. Hollywood. It was good to see him again as I interned with him last year when he was Senior V. P. @ Movido TV. I really enjoyed working with Rick, he is such a talented and gifted writer and actor. I recently read his play, Diary of a Dad Man and I cried. It was very moving. I hope to be able to write as well as Rick does someday.

It's very exciting to see your friends working so hard on projects and then I get to watch them on television or in film/theater. I know there is so much work and training to get to that level. I may have to write another show for myself since I am auditioning but haven't really booked anything significant for awhile.

So far away from little Ohio. I sometimes wonder what my high school friends would think about how far I have come. I was very shy but I was very interested in theater and had started writing too. Now I write for a Latino magazine and I have been on television and a few films. They probably would be very surprised. Who keeps in touch with folks from high school anyway?

I miss my friends from some of my old jobs back home. When I worked at the police department I made some good friends. Most of them were men, police officers. They really looked out for me and I learned so much from them. It's a shame how you only hear about the bad cops, not the good ones. They've probably all retired and moved away to a warmer climate.

I remember how I would keep some writing tablets and plenty of pens in my police car. During my half hour lunch period I would find a shady tree. I would park the car, go into the trunk of my car and retrieve the writing tablet and start writing. I wanted to go to Los Angeles so badly. I had never been there but I was there in my imagination. I pictured the tall buildings and the crowded streets. I'd picture myself going out for auditions and finding my way through the maze of LA traffic. And now here I am. I don't know how I envisioned that for myself but I did. It seemed so real to me, like I was seeing the life I should be living instead of writing parking tickets and directing traffic. And now -- here I am. Who says dreams don't come true?

I have an interview to set up -- I have some research to do. I have friends who are performing at a comedy club and I'd like to support them. I have friends to catch up with. The only constant thing about life is change. You have to adapt to change. I miss the ways things were sometimes. But then again, you never know what is around the corner.

How Do You Measure Success?

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I am very pensive lately. Perhaps that is because this is a new year, perhaps because we recently lost Uncle Ted who was 88 years old. I recently contacted a long lost family member. We went to high school together and now we live on the opposite coasts. I started thinking of other high school classmates.

There is the girl who cheated on weekly tests and became class President. There is the girl who was supposedly my best friend and we haven't spoken since graduation. There is the girl who was killed in a snowmobile accident and didn't live to see her 18th birthday. There is the boy who was my boyfriend for two years but then we broke up our senior year.

I went to our class reunion and I was shocked by how many looked so much older in only ten years. I wonder how many children we all had and how many are grandparents today. I wonder who retired, who died and who became really successful? And then how do you measure success?

Well, my friend left Ohio for Florida to work with his father. His father had a painting company. He painted offices, small companies and residential homes. He left Ohio way before I did. We tried to stay in touch but after his divorce and remarriage, we lost contact. I have been through so many jobs and now here I am going on auditions and working every now and then in commercials, film and the occasional television show.

What is really funny is that this is always something I wanted to do, even in high school. I went out for every high school play. I went out for community theater roles. I was a dancer at the football games and yes, I was in the Glee Club. I wrote for our high school newspaper. I was very active. And now, I am working with a Hollywood director and auditioning for national commercials.

I remember being on the lot of Sony Studios and taping some promos for Jeopardy. We drove by the studio where they filmed the Wizard of Oz. I remember thinking that I am walking on the same lot that Judy Garland walked on. I am in the same space that Joan Crawford worked in. It was awesome. And it took me back to the end of our school year where there were predictions. My goal was to be working on the lot of MGM Studios. Wow. So I am taken out of the past and into the present. Back to the fake store fronts at Sony. Hey, there goes Cameron Diaz walking by.

I may not have a huge Hollywood contract. But I am exactly where I wanted to be all those years ago. I don't know what everyone else was thinking and where they envisioned themselves many years later. I was thinking of Hollywood and how far away it was from Toledo, Ohio. And how do you get there, to the end of your dreams? Simple, you take one step at a time.