The Evaluation

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He called me into his office and I had no idea why. Why would the Community Development Director call a 17 year old into his office? It turns out that it was time for my work evaluation. At the time I was going to a vocational high school. Our school had a program where business leaders worked with the school to hire and train high school seniors for the real work program. We were taught a certain field such as business management. By the time we were seniors we had all of the school curriculum completed and a job lined up. We went to school then we went to work for several hours. We earned money and learned how to become a real employee. After the completion of the program, but before graduation, we received an evaluation. This evaluation was then forwarded to the school for credit units. Sometimes the employer would ask the student to remain with their company. And sometimes not. Now back to my story.

I sat down on one of the two red leather seats which faced his enormous desk. He closed the door, and sat down. He folded his hands and peered at me behind huge glasses. He had thick gray hair and wore a dark suit.

I was nervous so I smiled. I always smiled back then. "Keep your head down" my father would always say. "Smile, so they don't know what you're thinking".

He looked at me and told me that I had no character, no diligence. He proceeded to tell me that I was a drifter, drifting through life. My parents, he said, were drifters and so was I. What was diligence? I didn't know what that meant and so maybe he was right. I'm sure I looked confused and my smile quickly faded away. I felt myself shrinking into that red leather chair.

As if that whole experience wasn't bad enough, this jerk happened to live right next door to us. Every morning he would go out the door, pick up his morning paper and say a pleasant hello to my father. But now I knew what he really thought of us, the large Mexican family who moved next door to him.

Their lawn was meticulous. The edging, perfection. They had a large german shepherd dog. We had a small yappy terrior. We even had a rooster in the backyard. Boy, he must have loved that.

And while I sat in his office I knew that what he was really telling me was that I wasn't good enough to date his blonde haired, blue eyed Polish son. The same son that went to the same catholic grade school that I attended. We practically grew up together. There were snowball fights and touch football games and water balloon fights. And while his son was filling out college applications to one of the elite schools, we were trying to figure out how to pay the mortgage this month. And that is why when I turned 16, I didn't get a sweet 16 birthday party. My parents drove me to some office where I got a work permit to work. My job was to help my parents. There were 8 of us plus Mom & Dad.

I left his office a little shaken, but a little wiser too. People may smile to your face and still have hatred in their heart. It took awhile, many years in fact, but I learned that I will never let anyone make me feel that small again.