Good morning, America!

I was lying in bed and wondering where the time had gone. One moment it is 8:00 a.m. and the next moment it is 1:30 in the afternoon. Why is it that time seems to be slipping away? I wonder if this happens to everyone, or is it just me? When my children were young I couldn't wait till they got older so they could do things for themselves. Now there are many days when I wish I could go back to those days and just really take it all in and enjoy the moment. 

So last week I had an audition in LA with Mr. _________ Director, who I shall call Mr. New Up and Coming director.  The part called for a young grandmother. I decided to go for it because I am a young grandmother.  (yes, it's true).  I wasn't going to go for the audition but I know and like Mr. New Up and Coming director and I like his work.  So I contacted him, expressing my interest in this new film and I received the script.  It sounded wonderful and I had to go for it.  The character was interesting and she and her daughter had some issues.  A nice role!  No Latina maid -- no grandma in the kitchen making tortillas.  No Latina Nanny pushing the ninos in the baby stroller.  An actual good role!  And for some reason, I took it upon myself to make this grandma a beat up grandma.  Someone who had distanced herself from her only family, her daughter.  I imagined her like Graziela in the musical, "Cats".  Someone who had really been through the mill and had lost her way.  So I went to the audition wearing a turtleneck blouse and a long, long skirt.  No make-up, hair pulled back and glasses.

Note to self:  Never go to LA looking like a school marm.  I could tell by the look on Mr. New Up and Coming director's face that this was not the look that he was looking for.  I berated myself (in my head) and I followed him into the audition room.  I met the Producer.  Very nice, young woman.  I sat down next to another actress who was reading the part of the daughter.  We had an emotional scene where I put my all into the scene.  I was given some direction from Mr. New Up and Coming director to make my character less angry, and more humble.  I listened carefully, and we read the scene again with me making a major adjustment to my lines.

He liked it!  She like it!  I felt good about it.  I left the room feeling that I had done a really good scene and acted my ass off.  I didn't get the part.  Note to self:  Never go to LA looking like a school marm.  

Why wasn't I true to myself?  I normally would never leave the house without my makeup on.  I am a young grandma and I love dresses.  And I love my black patent leather Calvin Klein heels. And I love my Michael Kors handbag and my black Guess sunglasses.  The truth is, as an Actor we make choices when we get a script and we see the character a certain way.  We decide to show the world this character.  And my choice was that my character had seen better days.  She had gone through tough times, been knocked down by life more times that she would like to admit but she keeps living.  So I made a choice and I stuck to it.  Sometimes you win; sometimes you lose.

So, this part was not mine.  I saw an article about the actress who was chosen for the role.  She looks very nice.  I have seen her at some auditions that I have been on for other projects.  I did not read the article because it still stings too much.  But I know if the Universe had wanted me for that part, I would have gotten that part.  I do know this.  I know how to act.  I know how to take a character and make it my own.  I know how to dissect a scene.  I just need to remember that I need to be true to myself.  I could have gone in that audition room as Lisa.  Not as the character. It's okay.  Lesson learned.  Next time I have an audition, I am going in there with my black hair neatly styled, orange Calvin Klein dress, Michael Kors bag, black heels.   I will act my ass off and this time as myself.  And even if I don't get the part, I know I will have done my very best and be proud that I have done my best and then leave it to the Universe.  Amen!

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