Dysfunction Junction

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My friend, Patty once said Lisa, I think my family is dysfunctional. I said who's family isn't? At some point in time you will recognize that your family is crazy. The only family that isn't is on TV and that of course, isn't real. I had to laugh because that is so true. Remember in "Back to the Future" when Martie went back in time and saw his little future Uncle in the baby play pen and said, 'better get used to these bars, kid". And sure enough, his Uncle would land himself in prison later.

I am starting to dread the upcoming holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas. Ugh! I do like New Year's because we can all get a fresh start on a new year and hopefully make everything better. Now I am a good person, and I am a good cook. To me, my idea of the holidays would be to gather my family and we all volunteer at a local shelter. We cook and serve food to those less fortunate than ourselves. Our children would see that we are truly fortunate. We would get a paycheck of the heart by doing something for someone else.

Or, we could rent a cabin up at Big Bear. Play in the snow, ride on a sleigh and throw snowballs at each other! My hubby and I can get away from cellphones and computers. We could toast each other with a nice glass of wine as we sit in front of a fireplace. We could keep each other warm at night!

Or, we could take a trip back east and visit our family in Ohio. We could eat wonderful food, cooking together, opening gifts and catching up on family gossip. Our kids could stay here at my California home and cook their own dinner. They only come to eat anyway, then they leave. They wouldn't even notice that I'm not there this year.

But no, I'll tell you exactly what will happen because it happens every year. I will spend two entire days cleaning the house to perfection. We will spend one whole day decorating the house and putting up the Christmas tree. I will spend two hours at the grocery store getting everything needed for a beautiful dinner and dessert including beverages and wine for later. The kids will promise to come help with the cleaning and the cooking but of course they never do. There is always an excuse for oversleeping, a hangover, partying too late with their friends or some other drama that prevents them from keeping said original promise. So of course, I will overdo it and pay for it later with polio aches and pains. I will not complain because frankly it does no good and I'm tired of hearing myself talk.

My husband will invite his brother Tony to come and spend the holidays with us. Tony will need constant care and attention because he does need it. He also eats like a horse. At least someone appreciates my cooking! He loves to watch sports, any sports on our one and only television set which means I can't watch what I want to watch. My husband will spend all of his time watching him and not paying attention to me. I will get hurt and start drinking way too much just to ease the loneliness and pain of spending another Christmas holiday alone.

My son John is stationed overseas and this will be another year that I will not get to spend with him and my grandson. My other son could care less about tradition. He comes to eat then he either leaves to go home or he leaves and spends time with his friends here. In any event, he leaves. Same with my daughter. Her friends are more important than spending time with family. They'll open their gifts, eat and then leave. All the preparation is over in two hours. Then I am free to put away all the leftovers and clean the kitchen which looks like a disaster area. After all this work, I will drop in bed from exhaustion or being pissed off and drunk.

Gee, I can't wait. The holidays suck big time. I hate them and I hate that this happens every year and I feel helpless but there is nothing I can do about it. What would I like to do? Get on a plane in San Diego and go anywhere but here. And to think, I signed up for this.