Dexter

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Well, this post will not be an easy post to write. But, I owe it to you my readers and anyone else who gives a damn about my life the honest truth. Because you all know that I am an actress and a writer. I share the ups and downs of this business as honestly and truthfully as I can. I meet all kinds. I meet the honest to goodness good actors who are on television. I meet the wanna bees who come to the set and work as extras just to have something to do and get a free meal. And I meet everyone in between. Now I am not putting anyone down because if you want to work 8 to 12 hours just to get a free meal, more power to you. But I am here for the ride because I love acting and I have a real reverence for the stage (theater).

Two of the my favorite television shows of all time are Six Feet Under and Dexter. What do they both have in common? Well, that would be actor Michael C. Hall. One show was on HBO and the other is currently running on Showtime. Now I have followed every episode of both shows since they started. The writing is fantastic and the acting is great too. That is why Dexter is being nominated again for Emmy awards this year.

Well, you can imagine my surprise when my Agent called me to tell me I had an audition for Dexter. I said what? And she said, I know they are so hard to get. But now that I can go out for AFTRA and SAG roles, they are submitting me for those big television commercials and television shows.

I went from starting out as a background extra way back in 1994 to getting an agent, landing a national commercial, working on a SAG film with Mark Ruffalo and Orlando Bloom to this. Yikes! So I went to one of the biggest casting agencies. I really thought carefully about what I was going to wear, how I should fix my hair. All those little things that can throw off your performance. And I learned my lines and I studied my lines.

And I got to the casting agency and I saw their name. I stepped into the elevator, went to the suite and checked in. I had my head shot ready when the receptionist asked for it. I had a few moments and my name was called. So I walked into the tiny room where they were going to tape my audition and I blew it. I psyched myself up so much that it felt like a bad movie in slow motion. It felt like a bad dream.

I wish I could say I went in there and wowed them and now I am going to be on the show. But if anything could go wrong, it did. So there you have it. The honest truth people. And to be even more honest, I feel like getting out of this business entirely. But I know that I am just beating myself up over a bad performance and that is never a good thing to do. So I am going to have a 5 minute pity party and then get over it.

I am going to work on my camera technique. I am going to know my lines backwards, forwards and everything in between. I am going to take another class on how to handle my nerves and have them work for me and not against me. And I am going to learn from this because the next time I get a big audition, I'll be ready.

Michael Jackson is my inspiration. Perfectionist that he was, he did things over and over again until they were perfect. He was the consummate performer. He made things look easy and we oohed and ahhed because he was so good. That is a showman. That is what acting is all about. Okay, so I wasn't ready for the big time. But I will be so now I am upping my game. Why? Because I must, I refuse to give up. I will make my agent proud of me one day, She believes in me and cheers for me every step of my journey.

Nothing in this life comes easy. But if it meant to be, then it is up to me.