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Guardian angels are everywhere. You may not see them but sometimes if you pray and are very still, you will receive guidance if you listen closely. I know this because it happened to me.
I was a young girl and feeling very overwhelmed. My family was poor and there were constant arguments about money. We lived in a poor neighborhood on the east side of Toledo, Ohio. Yup, same poor city that Gloria Steinem grew up in.
I was teased in school, we moved several times and it was difficult to make new friends. On top of that I had polio. I couldn't keep up with the other kids, I felt different and I wanted to be the same as everyone else. I had low self-esteem and I saw no way out of my life. So I considered suicide. I tried to think of a way to do it that would not cause that much pain.
I felt all alone and just when I made up my mind to actually do it, my guardian angel spoke to me. She told me to hang in there and to wait because when I got older my life was going to be better, much better. Although I couldn't see her, I did feel her presence. And I remember saying out loud, okay but you better be right.
I found comfort and solace in my books. Thank goodness for the nuns who insisted that we get a free library card and started reading. What began as homework assignments turned into a lifelong love of books and the written word. With my books I could travel anywhere in the world. I was free to find adventure in Nancy Drew. I went onto history, fiction, biographies and more. I loved the classics like Oliver Twist, Great Expectations, Death of a Salesman, and Romeo & Juliet.
My latino family thought I was weird and when I was a teen, I was mad over the kings & queens of England. What saddened me was not having latino heroes and heroines. Because I found an outlet in my love of books, I felt real joy in books, theater and music. That led to dance lessons, voice lessons, joining the glee club. I joined local theater groups and made new friends.
My actor friends were like me. They were creative, artistic, fun-loving people who saw the world differently from everyone else. I would rather go to an art museum than a bar. I met my husband, a musician and everything started to click. Our friends were artists, actors, musicians and singers.
People ask me how I got into acting as if this were a fun project that I am trying this week. They don't realize that acting (since I've done from high school) reading and writing was my salvation. My salvation! I use my past to create my future. My life is infinitely better now.
I found someone who loves me as I am. He supports me and lifts me up and is truly my best friend. I know how lucky I am to have found love at a young age. Spirituality has healed my soul and given me hope. Friends have helped me find acceptance in being a disabled person. Courage has helped me find strength in daily life. My children are my hope for the future. And I am blessed to find joy in my work as a writer. I challenge myself as an actor. And I thank God for sending me my guardian angel that day, that was so many years ago. I have had the most amazing ride and have met some wonderful people along the way. Never, ever give up hope.
Never be afraid to dream and to dream big. I was not born into money. I didn't have any Hollywood connections. But I did have desire and persistence. I am not afraid to take classes and learn new things. I am not afraid to walk into auditions. I learn from constructive criticism and I work hard to hone my craft.
Things are happening in my career. For some, it may seem weird. For me, this is just as I always envisioned it would be. Me driving into Los Angeles and meeting casting directors, writers and others. I get stuck in traffic -- I occasionally run into someone I just saw in a feature film or tv show. We are all artists, struggling to find a job. And hoping to contribute -- to make this world a better place. And for me, to maybe help someone who was like me. A poor kid from a poor neighborhood who just wants to feel that they are special, too. Even if no one else can see it.
I hope someone in a wheelchair is reading this right now or some Latino young gal or guy who can relate. I would say to them, never give up your dreams.
