Dear Shaun

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It is with sadness that I must say that a friend has passed away. His name was Shaun and he lived across the street from us. He was the same age as my daughter. Shaun was born on March 17, St. Patrick's Day. He was tall and thin and had an easy smile.

I have come to know many if not all of my children's friends and I always remember them just like when they first came into our lives. When his family moved into the neighborhood, I think he was happy to find that he was not the only teen on our block. And sure enough, he started to attend the same school as my daughter.

They became fast friends and he was always coming over and frequently had dinner with us too. To me he was like a beautiful little puppy, just wanting to be loved. He fought frequently with his new stepmom and I think he would have been very happy if I adopted him. I did call him and several other boys, my "other sons". I think he liked that.

He ran away frequently and I heard that for awhile he was living under a bridge. I don't know if he got involved with drugs and drinking, but he probably did. I heard that he joined the Army or the National Guard. He was sent overseas and fought in Irag. I wrote to him several times and he wrote back. He seemed so lost and lonely. I often wondered if he joined so he could have some clean clothes and a meal every day. It broke my heart to see that he was so lost.

As life goes on, I cared for my own children and I truly don't believe they understand how hard life is until they are on their own. I have always tried to be here for them and have always told them they could talk to me about anything.

My daughter and Shaun lost touch with each other over the years. About two months ago, we were in the car. I was driving and not really paying attention to what was going on around me. There was a young man holding up a sign at the end of the freeway. As I proceeded into the intersection my daughter said, "oh my God, that was Shaun". I said are you sure? And she said yes, that he looked right at us and then lowered his head. I said, should I turn around and go back? And she said, no -- he probably wouldn't want us to see him like that. I was confused because I wanted to see him and talk with him. But then, what if he were on drugs and what if he was a potential threat to my daughter? Well, I have to keep her safe and her safety was my main concern. I kept driving.

I should have followed my instincts and turned the car around. I should have taken Shaun home with us. I could have given him a hot meal and a hot shower. I could have maybe guided him in a better path than the one he was currently walking through. I'll never know if I could have made a difference.

A month later Shaun died somewhere in Maryland. How? We don't know. My daughter received word just the other day that Shaun was gone. She looked up his obituary on the internet and there was his photo. He was in his military uniform and he looked, well, he looked scared. The article did not say how he died and so we will never know.

There are some days in your life that you wish you could take back. I wish with all my heart that I could take back that day. I wish I had turned that car around. I wish I could hold him in my arms again. I can't imagine not seeing Shaun again. I always imagined that he would finish up his 4 years in the service and come back home again. I always thought he would be a part of our lives again. I miss my "other son" and wish I could tell him how much I cared for him. Rest in peace, dear Shaun. You may not have known this, but you were deeply loved.